January: Trip to India. Went on a grand temple tour of South India culminating in Rameswaram & Dhanushkoti.
February: One of my close friends moves to the US of A. Yippeee!
March: S moves to Lexington. Start having loooong phone conversations with parents in India about wedding plans. It was a bit tense at first because Dad wasn't getting any mandapams in Chennai. One night, I was on the phone with Dad and we were discussing wedding dates. Started bawling on the phone all of a sudden that I wanted my Dad here in the US right away, right now. S was totally confused by my sudden tears and tried to assuage me. Meanwhile, Dad on the phone totally panicked..:)
April: Engaged to S! Party Time! RS & PH devised a jodi porutham type of game for S & I. We scored above 50%! Whew!
May: Nothing much happened here. I just had these umpteen conversations with mom and dad about wedding planning, shopping etc..!
June: RT, N, S & I started practicing Carnatic songs for "Glimpses of India" to be performed at the Univ of KY. This was major fun! :)A good friend in Lex gets married!
July: "Glimpses of India" on Jul 28th! Had a ball of a time performing in a huge auditorium. S&I broke into a major fight soon after that...:) Another friend gets married..!
August: Moved apartments again! Sigh. S made me an amazing necklace for my birthday. India trip again! Whopeee!
September: Married S without PMJs or any other incidents..:) Chennai had a Tsunami alert on the evening of maplai azhaippu. Entire trip was so hectic that we were both looking pretty worn out in our wedding pictures.
October: Friends sent us on a honeymoon to the Great Smoky mountains. Priya was the architect of this trip. Hats off! Started formal Carnatic music lessons again.
November: In-laws were here. Thalai Diwali. New place. A-mazing Thanksgiving party with lotsa jamming, friends and food. This was a rocking month..!
December: So December has rolled around yet again. I think I've fulfilled one resolution from last year -- staying in touch with Carnatic music. I learnt a lot of new krithis and Dinesh told me I've improved vastly! I have not really blogged that much this year compared to previous years' averages. Hopefully, I'll reverse that in 2008. For starters, I personalized this blog a little bit.
Farewell, 2007! I think you've been a good year for me.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Movie Critique
The Break-up:
Unless you're this die-hard fan of Vince Vaughn, please don't see this movie. I don't know who thought up Vince's character in the movie. He seems to be delivering dialogues without commas, punctuations or pauses. Just like the annoying train noise that you hear when you live close to the tracks. And if anyone ever courted me the pushy way he courts Jen Aniston, I think I'd be downright annoyed.
Apart from Vince Vaughn, the story itself seems quite silly. So please don't see it.
Music & Lyrics:
The movie was kinda cutesy in a pink way. But the songs got stuck in my head. Especially the "Way Back Into Love" number. Hugh Grant's role as the funny, lost bachelor is being reprised again. But it is quite passable.
Kannamoochi Yenada:
We've watched one half the movie. So far it has been quite funny and interesting. Sathyaraj, as the girl's dad, is very convincing..:) Very clean comedy too! I am eager to finish watching the movie.
Chak De India:
Best Hindi movie I've seen in recent times. I was observing to S that if a male coaches a female sports team in India, there's usually a scene where the blameless hero gets entangled in sexual harassment allegations and goes home in disgrace. Thankfully, the movie didn't have such cheesy scenes and everyone had acted well! I loved it.
Azhagiya Tamizh Magan:
I've probably seen 20 mins of the movie seeing as I fell asleep after a very sumptuous dinner. So far, its been all Vijay's gyrations & masala. Others who managed to stay awake say that it was passable. Of course, everyone's watched just half the movie. I don't know when I am going to see the rest! :)
Unless you're this die-hard fan of Vince Vaughn, please don't see this movie. I don't know who thought up Vince's character in the movie. He seems to be delivering dialogues without commas, punctuations or pauses. Just like the annoying train noise that you hear when you live close to the tracks. And if anyone ever courted me the pushy way he courts Jen Aniston, I think I'd be downright annoyed.
Apart from Vince Vaughn, the story itself seems quite silly. So please don't see it.
Music & Lyrics:
The movie was kinda cutesy in a pink way. But the songs got stuck in my head. Especially the "Way Back Into Love" number. Hugh Grant's role as the funny, lost bachelor is being reprised again. But it is quite passable.
Kannamoochi Yenada:
We've watched one half the movie. So far it has been quite funny and interesting. Sathyaraj, as the girl's dad, is very convincing..:) Very clean comedy too! I am eager to finish watching the movie.
Chak De India:
Best Hindi movie I've seen in recent times. I was observing to S that if a male coaches a female sports team in India, there's usually a scene where the blameless hero gets entangled in sexual harassment allegations and goes home in disgrace. Thankfully, the movie didn't have such cheesy scenes and everyone had acted well! I loved it.
Azhagiya Tamizh Magan:
I've probably seen 20 mins of the movie seeing as I fell asleep after a very sumptuous dinner. So far, its been all Vijay's gyrations & masala. Others who managed to stay awake say that it was passable. Of course, everyone's watched just half the movie. I don't know when I am going to see the rest! :)
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Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Music mania!
A bunch of music maniacs got together this Thanksgiving holiday at our home. We rented a few instruments from a local music shop, put together a list of film songs and started jamming. Dinesh wanted to sing "recordable" material -- so we sang a few songs for the "record"..:) Arun was our aasthana keyboardist. Sujan & Dinesh were the drummers. RT, me, Nick, Moni and a few others were the vocalists. ANM and Venky were our sound/recording guys. Amidst giggling, musical missteps and flashes of brilliance, we managed to record a couple of songs with probably an hour of practice..:) I consider that quite a feat..
It was fun to have the camaraderie of practicing together;of laughing together at some good and some dead-end jokes; of just just giggling away to glory for the most trivial of things; of just having friends over for the holidays.
Later in the night, after wolfing down pizza, we had a Carnatic music session. It went on and on and on until 2.30 AM in the morning..! :) Finally, exhausted but thoroughly entertained after a long evening, we settled down to just "talk" into the wee hours of the morning..
Here's a song we recorded with our miscues and all..:)
Singers: Subha & RT
Drums: Sujan & Dinesh
Keyboard: Arun
Ahh, it was a memorable thanksgiving! :)
It was fun to have the camaraderie of practicing together;of laughing together at some good and some dead-end jokes; of just just giggling away to glory for the most trivial of things; of just having friends over for the holidays.
Later in the night, after wolfing down pizza, we had a Carnatic music session. It went on and on and on until 2.30 AM in the morning..! :) Finally, exhausted but thoroughly entertained after a long evening, we settled down to just "talk" into the wee hours of the morning..
Here's a song we recorded with our miscues and all..:)
Singers: Subha & RT
Drums: Sujan & Dinesh
Keyboard: Arun
Ahh, it was a memorable thanksgiving! :)
Monday, November 26, 2007
A quote that inspired me...
"What you are is God's gift to you; what you become is your gift to God"
- Andre Agassi
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Monday, November 19, 2007
On being average
It is difficult to be an average person. I don't excel at anything. I am a fairly okay person but I don't exactly blow away people with my personality. At work, I don't have 10 people hanging on to every word I say in a meeting and scuttling off to discuss the ramifications of my comments. As far as looks go, I am far from being a head-turner. I think my paternal grandmother was secretly unhappy with my regular, brown skin. I am an average singer. That means I can't get away with claiming total ignorance. I'll be classified as a snob. Having some basic singing knowledge dooms one to sing with off-key swarams, talams and all associated paraphernalia. Sigh.
Last weekend, S and I went to K's house in Cincinnati for Dikshithar Day. A bunch of very talented musicians get together every year on Muthuswami Dikshithar's anniversary and sing his compositions. There was a veena player, a flutist, two mridangists (S being one of them) and lots and lots of singers. A 12-year old kid captured everyone's hearts with her beautiful renditions of some ghana ragas: Todi, Gowlai etc..In addition to singing flawlessly, she also played the violin! I was dreading being asked to sing in front of all these super-knowledgeable, super-talented people. S, dutifully, called out my name. He, of course, was scintillating on the mridangam and rarely ever worries about being not-talented. I think I managed to acquit myself fairly decently. Chitra Visveswaran's niece was there to demonstrate Mamava Pattabhirama & Rangapura Vihara through abhinayas. She wowed people with her performance and also her looks..:)
So what's my point? That it is extremely hard to be an "average" person and get through life. It is like you don't have any identity at all and it is unfair of God to distribute talent so unevenly. Hmph. Maybe I should try to be a bit eccentric. That way, people will remember me at least as that "weird, eccentric lady who kept pulling funny faces whenever someone tried to talk to her."
Last weekend, S and I went to K's house in Cincinnati for Dikshithar Day. A bunch of very talented musicians get together every year on Muthuswami Dikshithar's anniversary and sing his compositions. There was a veena player, a flutist, two mridangists (S being one of them) and lots and lots of singers. A 12-year old kid captured everyone's hearts with her beautiful renditions of some ghana ragas: Todi, Gowlai etc..In addition to singing flawlessly, she also played the violin! I was dreading being asked to sing in front of all these super-knowledgeable, super-talented people. S, dutifully, called out my name. He, of course, was scintillating on the mridangam and rarely ever worries about being not-talented. I think I managed to acquit myself fairly decently. Chitra Visveswaran's niece was there to demonstrate Mamava Pattabhirama & Rangapura Vihara through abhinayas. She wowed people with her performance and also her looks..:)
So what's my point? That it is extremely hard to be an "average" person and get through life. It is like you don't have any identity at all and it is unfair of God to distribute talent so unevenly. Hmph. Maybe I should try to be a bit eccentric. That way, people will remember me at least as that "weird, eccentric lady who kept pulling funny faces whenever someone tried to talk to her."
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Sunday, November 04, 2007
Third Time Lucky..
Twice, I started writing this blog and forgot what I started it for. This is the third time and hopefully, I will remember..:)
We are moving. Again. Between S & I, we've managed 5 moves in one year. This will be our 6th. The thing about frequent moves is that you can never, ever find what you want. You will have forgotten half the things that you own so that when an old boondhi ladle springs out of a cardboard box, you squeal with the delight of ownership: "Ooh..that's so cool!" But the things you do have a memory of will be nowhere to find.
Where's the big tea filter that mum gave me when I came to the US for the first time? I remember it was in the big, grayish-white cardboard box when I moved the first time. Then, it got transferred to the big suitcase with all the vessels? Maybe it is in the topmost shelf above the refrigerator in the kitchen? Hmm..maybe in the cardboard box.
So, you can understand if I am a bit addled in my head right now..:) Anyhoo, the good thing about all this moving is that you get to relive memories of the past. In the name of cleaning, I dig out my college photographs, autograph books, letters that my friends wrote to me while I was in Canada, greeting cards from all previous birthdays etc... It is quite fun and makes you remember how young you once were and what others thought of you then.
So in my current digging spree, I came across this dirty bit of folded, creased paper lodged between some inland postal covers (the blue postal ones in India, you know! Before e-mail, this is how people communicated) and my old autograph book. As I opened it, my frown turned into a smile and then a grin! :)
Flashback. Tortoise rotates..
In my college second year, a guy called GS took a fancy to me. I never did like him much because the only way he showed his liking for me was by passing comments about my eyes and clothes in crowded corridors. But he was exceptionally good at Tamil and I'd heard that he wrote poems. So one day, during a very boring Microprocessor lesson, the professor was droning on and on about interrupts. On a very hot Trichy afternoon with the temperature in the 40s, if you've had heavenly curd rice for lunch, it is very difficult to keep the Goddess of Sleep away especially in the first hour right after lunch.
I was half asleep and doodling on my notes. A sound like suppressed coughing came from my right and I avoided looking in that direction. I did not want to hear any comment from anyone about my eyes. So I kept staring straight ahead when my friend painfully nudged me and thrust a piece of paper in my hands. I turned around and sure enough, I found GS grinning at me annoyingly.
Even though I never did end up liking GS, I liked the the wit and the timeliness in the poem very much. It still brings a smile to my face when I read it.
We are moving. Again. Between S & I, we've managed 5 moves in one year. This will be our 6th. The thing about frequent moves is that you can never, ever find what you want. You will have forgotten half the things that you own so that when an old boondhi ladle springs out of a cardboard box, you squeal with the delight of ownership: "Ooh..that's so cool!" But the things you do have a memory of will be nowhere to find.
Where's the big tea filter that mum gave me when I came to the US for the first time? I remember it was in the big, grayish-white cardboard box when I moved the first time. Then, it got transferred to the big suitcase with all the vessels? Maybe it is in the topmost shelf above the refrigerator in the kitchen? Hmm..maybe in the cardboard box.
So, you can understand if I am a bit addled in my head right now..:) Anyhoo, the good thing about all this moving is that you get to relive memories of the past. In the name of cleaning, I dig out my college photographs, autograph books, letters that my friends wrote to me while I was in Canada, greeting cards from all previous birthdays etc... It is quite fun and makes you remember how young you once were and what others thought of you then.
So in my current digging spree, I came across this dirty bit of folded, creased paper lodged between some inland postal covers (the blue postal ones in India, you know! Before e-mail, this is how people communicated) and my old autograph book. As I opened it, my frown turned into a smile and then a grin! :)
Flashback. Tortoise rotates..
In my college second year, a guy called GS took a fancy to me. I never did like him much because the only way he showed his liking for me was by passing comments about my eyes and clothes in crowded corridors. But he was exceptionally good at Tamil and I'd heard that he wrote poems. So one day, during a very boring Microprocessor lesson, the professor was droning on and on about interrupts. On a very hot Trichy afternoon with the temperature in the 40s, if you've had heavenly curd rice for lunch, it is very difficult to keep the Goddess of Sleep away especially in the first hour right after lunch.
I was half asleep and doodling on my notes. A sound like suppressed coughing came from my right and I avoided looking in that direction. I did not want to hear any comment from anyone about my eyes. So I kept staring straight ahead when my friend painfully nudged me and thrust a piece of paper in my hands. I turned around and sure enough, I found GS grinning at me annoyingly.
Naan maskable interrupt- aaga irundhaal
Unnai kettu pin kathalithiruppen
Naano non-maskable interrupt
Aagave un utharavinri unnaiye ninaikkinren!
Even though I never did end up liking GS, I liked the the wit and the timeliness in the poem very much. It still brings a smile to my face when I read it.
Friday, October 26, 2007
Weird Tamizh Serials...
Tamizh serials and movies seriously need to be banned. Their sole aim seems to be in keeping our folks immersed in out-of-date ideas. I especially hate some women-centric concepts like:
1. Victim marries rapist because the town tells her that's the right thing to do and he's technically her husband.
2. Bride's father commits suicide because some idiot stopped the wedding right before the muhurtham. Usually, he claims to be the ex-boyfriend and the groom becomes all righteous and decides not to marry a "tainted" girl.
3. Wife commits suicide because her husband leaves her and she's "vaazha vetti".
4. Marriage is a one-time thing for a woman. And if it fails, God forbid, there's no life for the woman after that!
5. Polygamy amongst males is acceptable.
#1 is extremely ridiculous and re-inforced by movies like "Nattamai" and countless serials. How can a woman live with an insensitive guy who doesn't care about her wishes/feelings?
I don't even want to talk about #2. There's still intense societal pressure about honor. Though it is a humiliating thing to happen, I don't see why the bride's father has to die. Societal recognition is not worth dying! People are fickle and they're often wrong.
#3 -- I've seen it almost happen in real-life. Tamizh women are obsessed with this "vaazha vetti" thing. They let go of their body & mind and become obese, stupid creatures. Their excuse: "I am vaazha vetti". Whatever!
#4 -- Indians have an obsession with the "one-time-only" concept in almost anything. There are no second chances, no second life etc..Unfortunately for women, they suffer the worst. There's this article in Vikatan about a guy who cheated and married 100 women through an online matrimony site! 100. And what happens to these poor women? Their marriages are void legally . Is re-marriage even an option for them? I bet their own families wouldn't agree to it!
Serials are the worst culprits here. By broadcasting something repeatedly, they re-inforce these notions and make them acceptable currency. Bah!
1. Victim marries rapist because the town tells her that's the right thing to do and he's technically her husband.
2. Bride's father commits suicide because some idiot stopped the wedding right before the muhurtham. Usually, he claims to be the ex-boyfriend and the groom becomes all righteous and decides not to marry a "tainted" girl.
3. Wife commits suicide because her husband leaves her and she's "vaazha vetti".
4. Marriage is a one-time thing for a woman. And if it fails, God forbid, there's no life for the woman after that!
5. Polygamy amongst males is acceptable.
#1 is extremely ridiculous and re-inforced by movies like "Nattamai" and countless serials. How can a woman live with an insensitive guy who doesn't care about her wishes/feelings?
I don't even want to talk about #2. There's still intense societal pressure about honor. Though it is a humiliating thing to happen, I don't see why the bride's father has to die. Societal recognition is not worth dying! People are fickle and they're often wrong.
#3 -- I've seen it almost happen in real-life. Tamizh women are obsessed with this "vaazha vetti" thing. They let go of their body & mind and become obese, stupid creatures. Their excuse: "I am vaazha vetti". Whatever!
#4 -- Indians have an obsession with the "one-time-only" concept in almost anything. There are no second chances, no second life etc..Unfortunately for women, they suffer the worst. There's this article in Vikatan about a guy who cheated and married 100 women through an online matrimony site! 100. And what happens to these poor women? Their marriages are void legally . Is re-marriage even an option for them? I bet their own families wouldn't agree to it!
Serials are the worst culprits here. By broadcasting something repeatedly, they re-inforce these notions and make them acceptable currency. Bah!
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Thursday, October 18, 2007
Is there such a thing as over-hospitality?
These days, I feel that most of our lives are centered around food. In the US, if you want to meet someone who doesn't belong to your close friends' circle, then it usually ends up over food. You can't just drop by to anyone's place without scheduling it.
"Hi, I was wondering if we could just drop by this evening.."
"Oh, then why not make it dinner?"
"Err..no.."
"Come on. We haven't seen you in a while. Let's do dinner."
Okay. So the next time you want to meet them, you'd have to ask them over for lunch/dinner/breakfast or whatever. This being golu season, your golu invite is usually clubbed with dinner/lunch. There's no just dropping by someone acquaintance's place in the evening around 6-ish, having sundal, chit-chatting and just leaving. I guess people are just trying to be hospitable and take care of the guests. But is there such a thing as over-hospitality?
This time in India, I was plied sumptuously with coffee/snacks each time I visited someone's house no matter what the time of day! Morning, evening or night, you're supposed to have something.
"Have some coffee.."
"No..I just had some at Kripa Aunty's house. We stopped there before coming here.."
"Oh, you should taste the wonderful new coffee powder we got at Andal Cafe! Just a little bit.."
"No, please. I'll have some water.."
"Then have some juice. Mango ok?"
Usually, by the time I got home I'd feel like an over-stuffed party bag with all sorts of food items sloshing around in my tummy.
Besides, I think Indians have this special niche for coming up with creative dishes. For almost any festival/function in the house, we have sumptuous meals served on banana leafs. I like eating on banana leafs but then, you lose track of your portion size on them..:) So the cook plies you with liberal servings of sojji appams, 2-3 kosmalli varieties, vazhapoo vadais, sambar, morkuzhambu, rasam, 3-4 poriyals and koottus, payasam and you're left panting just looking at your banana leaf! People don't take "No. Enough" for an answer when they serve. They think it means we're being shy to ask. So they ply you with even more food.
"Tsk..these days kids have shrunk their stomachs in the US. See, she's struggling to finish her lunch and I've just finished two servings of each dish! Tell your daughter to eat well!"
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?Huh?
Besides all this, there are those working lunches, working dinners etc..If you want to meet a colleague outside of work, you do it over dinner. If you want to talk to your realtor about something, you go to the nearest Starbucks or Krispy Kreme and down 2 donuts before you leave. Why can't we just meet anyone somewhere in the park or the library or the nearest museum? Why is food the central point of all congregations?
I have nothing against all those people who feed me good food..:) But personally, If I want to meet a friend to just talk, then I'd like to be able to do that without scheduling a mealtime for it! Besides, hasn't mommy said that talking while eating is bad for your health? :)
"Hi, I was wondering if we could just drop by this evening.."
"Oh, then why not make it dinner?"
"Err..no.."
"Come on. We haven't seen you in a while. Let's do dinner."
Okay. So the next time you want to meet them, you'd have to ask them over for lunch/dinner/breakfast or whatever. This being golu season, your golu invite is usually clubbed with dinner/lunch. There's no just dropping by someone acquaintance's place in the evening around 6-ish, having sundal, chit-chatting and just leaving. I guess people are just trying to be hospitable and take care of the guests. But is there such a thing as over-hospitality?
This time in India, I was plied sumptuously with coffee/snacks each time I visited someone's house no matter what the time of day! Morning, evening or night, you're supposed to have something.
"Have some coffee.."
"No..I just had some at Kripa Aunty's house. We stopped there before coming here.."
"Oh, you should taste the wonderful new coffee powder we got at Andal Cafe! Just a little bit.."
"No, please. I'll have some water.."
"Then have some juice. Mango ok?"
Usually, by the time I got home I'd feel like an over-stuffed party bag with all sorts of food items sloshing around in my tummy.
Besides, I think Indians have this special niche for coming up with creative dishes. For almost any festival/function in the house, we have sumptuous meals served on banana leafs. I like eating on banana leafs but then, you lose track of your portion size on them..:) So the cook plies you with liberal servings of sojji appams, 2-3 kosmalli varieties, vazhapoo vadais, sambar, morkuzhambu, rasam, 3-4 poriyals and koottus, payasam and you're left panting just looking at your banana leaf! People don't take "No. Enough" for an answer when they serve. They think it means we're being shy to ask. So they ply you with even more food.
"Tsk..these days kids have shrunk their stomachs in the US. See, she's struggling to finish her lunch and I've just finished two servings of each dish! Tell your daughter to eat well!"
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?Huh?
Besides all this, there are those working lunches, working dinners etc..If you want to meet a colleague outside of work, you do it over dinner. If you want to talk to your realtor about something, you go to the nearest Starbucks or Krispy Kreme and down 2 donuts before you leave. Why can't we just meet anyone somewhere in the park or the library or the nearest museum? Why is food the central point of all congregations?
I have nothing against all those people who feed me good food..:) But personally, If I want to meet a friend to just talk, then I'd like to be able to do that without scheduling a mealtime for it! Besides, hasn't mommy said that talking while eating is bad for your health? :)
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Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Marriage Chronicles
Warning: A very Tamil oriented post. Cannot for the life of me translate some of the words to English..:) They're true, authentic Tamizh!
Anyone who's gotten married in true Tamil Brahmin tradition or attended a close relative's wedding will know that marriage is all about "banthathis". For the uninitiated, "Bandhadhi" is a style of doing things associated with a place. Eg. Tanjavur bandhadhi, Palakkad bandhadhi, blah, blah, blah. Most of these bandhadhis enunciate very, very,very essential,important things to a marriage:
1. The size and ingredient(cashew, kadalai paruppu or thengai) of the 3rd paruppu thengai in the nth seer varisai being presented to the groom's side.
This assumes paramount importance because some old maami from the groom's side who's married off 5 daughters will be watching it. She will also promptly come and tell your mom:
"Yendi, ennadhu idhu unga aathula mundhiri paruppu paruppu thengai vekkaradhu dhaan pazhakkama? Enga bandhadhi-la idhellam kidaiyaadhuppa. Hmmm.."
2. The shape of the vessel that maamis use to carry the vilakku during the oonjal. For the ignorant: Mamis circumambulate the bride & the groom on the oonjal with a vilakku in a vessel.
Mami1: "Enga bandhadhi la ellam bosi dhaan.."
Mami2: "Ille ille, enga bandhadhi la adukku dhaan..enna pesarel!"
3. The exact sequence of relative maamis when doing the paruppu pudi ritual during oonjal.
I cannot stress the importance of this. Not only does each bandhadhi have its special way of suthifying paruppu pudi, the hierarchy of the maamis is also very important. If you ask a younger person to do it before an older maami (who incidentally would've disappeared somewhere at that exact time and cannot be found), you have a crisis on your hands.
4. The exact count & identity of persons who should be present in the room when the bride has to tie her nine yards saree.
The first rule is that none should care about the sentiments of the bride. If tradition dictates that your maami paatti's daughter-in-law's nathanaar has to be present, then it HAS to be that way. Doesn't matter if the concerned person knows to tie the nine-yards saree.
5. The menu of the wedding.
If you don't get the menu right for your banthathi, you will be ostracized and castigated by your banthathi clan.
6. The shape and variety of betel leaves that is given as tamboolam.
"Enga Tanjavur-la ellam kumbakonam vethalai dhaan kudupaa! Idhai paaru, edho vathalagundu vethalaiya kondu vandhu vechirukaa! Hmm..ivaloda pazhakkame veraya irukku!"
Knowing your "banthathi" will also make you Supreme Counselor of Unwritten Marriage (SCUM for short) rules for ALL weddings that you attend in your lifetime! Seeing how important all these above listed things are very important to our marital bliss and peacefulness, S and I have decided to initiate our own, special banthathi: the Lexington Banthathi. This will ensure that we will be lifetime presidents of this new banthathi clan and none will have the courage to overrule us. Maamis, watch out! Here we come!
Anyone who's gotten married in true Tamil Brahmin tradition or attended a close relative's wedding will know that marriage is all about "banthathis". For the uninitiated, "Bandhadhi" is a style of doing things associated with a place. Eg. Tanjavur bandhadhi, Palakkad bandhadhi, blah, blah, blah. Most of these bandhadhis enunciate very, very,very essential,important things to a marriage:
1. The size and ingredient(cashew, kadalai paruppu or thengai) of the 3rd paruppu thengai in the nth seer varisai being presented to the groom's side.
This assumes paramount importance because some old maami from the groom's side who's married off 5 daughters will be watching it. She will also promptly come and tell your mom:
"Yendi, ennadhu idhu unga aathula mundhiri paruppu paruppu thengai vekkaradhu dhaan pazhakkama? Enga bandhadhi-la idhellam kidaiyaadhuppa. Hmmm.."
2. The shape of the vessel that maamis use to carry the vilakku during the oonjal. For the ignorant: Mamis circumambulate the bride & the groom on the oonjal with a vilakku in a vessel.
Mami1: "Enga bandhadhi la ellam bosi dhaan.."
Mami2: "Ille ille, enga bandhadhi la adukku dhaan..enna pesarel!"
3. The exact sequence of relative maamis when doing the paruppu pudi ritual during oonjal.
I cannot stress the importance of this. Not only does each bandhadhi have its special way of suthifying paruppu pudi, the hierarchy of the maamis is also very important. If you ask a younger person to do it before an older maami (who incidentally would've disappeared somewhere at that exact time and cannot be found), you have a crisis on your hands.
4. The exact count & identity of persons who should be present in the room when the bride has to tie her nine yards saree.
The first rule is that none should care about the sentiments of the bride. If tradition dictates that your maami paatti's daughter-in-law's nathanaar has to be present, then it HAS to be that way. Doesn't matter if the concerned person knows to tie the nine-yards saree.
5. The menu of the wedding.
If you don't get the menu right for your banthathi, you will be ostracized and castigated by your banthathi clan.
6. The shape and variety of betel leaves that is given as tamboolam.
"Enga Tanjavur-la ellam kumbakonam vethalai dhaan kudupaa! Idhai paaru, edho vathalagundu vethalaiya kondu vandhu vechirukaa! Hmm..ivaloda pazhakkame veraya irukku!"
Knowing your "banthathi" will also make you Supreme Counselor of Unwritten Marriage (SCUM for short) rules for ALL weddings that you attend in your lifetime! Seeing how important all these above listed things are very important to our marital bliss and peacefulness, S and I have decided to initiate our own, special banthathi: the Lexington Banthathi. This will ensure that we will be lifetime presidents of this new banthathi clan and none will have the courage to overrule us. Maamis, watch out! Here we come!
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Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Secrets...
I used to love being privy to "secrets". I'd feel all tingly when a friend or a relative drew me close and whispered conspiratorially in my ear, "Don't mention it to any other living soul! You're the only one in the know." To me, it was a sign of trust; a seal of approval on the sanctity of the relationship; And in some ways, a bonding ritual. After all, what's a relationship without sharing those little things that none else knew? I fought with one of my best friends in college because he refused to tell me the name of his crush. We didn't talk for 2 months and we fought many times over it. I considered it an insult to the friendship that he didn't share it with me (Me of all people! Didn't he consider me trustworthy? Wasn't I his best friend? How dare he!).
I don't know when gyaan descended on me (You must agree that it is a sure sign of enlightenment that I can't pinpoint the moment the lightbulb went off in my head! :)) but things are not so black-and-white to me these days. Recently, I found that a relative hadn't shared some important family events, albeit sorrowful, with us. It was a shock to the entire family to find out about it. Some were angry, some outraged, some unconcerned. I just felt sympathy. There's so much involved in sharing personal things -- a bit of ego, fear of judgement, fear of disapproval, fear of being seen as a loser, fear of consequences and fear of the pity that'd be brought on by sharing. And sometimes, its just the plain burden of having to pick up the phone and talk to people than face-to-face interaction. The list could go on!
I've stopped basing relationships on what other people share with me. Sure, I feel good if they trust me enough to tell me something. If not, well, I'll be a bit hurt but they'll still be good friends! :) Besides, some secrets are best left in the dark.
The friend I fought with during college is still one of my good friends. He came to India from the US for my wedding and though I didn't get to talk to him much, I was happy to just have him around. I've realized that I can't let go of some relationships no matter what -- secrets or not!
I don't know when gyaan descended on me (You must agree that it is a sure sign of enlightenment that I can't pinpoint the moment the lightbulb went off in my head! :)) but things are not so black-and-white to me these days. Recently, I found that a relative hadn't shared some important family events, albeit sorrowful, with us. It was a shock to the entire family to find out about it. Some were angry, some outraged, some unconcerned. I just felt sympathy. There's so much involved in sharing personal things -- a bit of ego, fear of judgement, fear of disapproval, fear of being seen as a loser, fear of consequences and fear of the pity that'd be brought on by sharing. And sometimes, its just the plain burden of having to pick up the phone and talk to people than face-to-face interaction. The list could go on!
I've stopped basing relationships on what other people share with me. Sure, I feel good if they trust me enough to tell me something. If not, well, I'll be a bit hurt but they'll still be good friends! :) Besides, some secrets are best left in the dark.
The friend I fought with during college is still one of my good friends. He came to India from the US for my wedding and though I didn't get to talk to him much, I was happy to just have him around. I've realized that I can't let go of some relationships no matter what -- secrets or not!
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Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Three exciting days condensed to a few snaps...
The entire wedding seems like a happy and exciting blur -- shopping, relatives, excitement, rituals, mantras, temple trips, good food & good times! I confess I was too wound up (about just getting the 9-yards saree tied in proper fashion before people started banging on the Bride's door -- "Neramaachu..Ponnai vara sollungoo!" ) to have the "Omigosh-I-am-getting-married-eeeeks" feeling..:) Everything went in fast-forward mode in India and now I am savouring each moment through photos/videos. Long live technology! :)
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
It only happens in India...
Location: Waiting lounge, Chennai International Airport
The 20-20 match between India & Australia was being displayed on the new LCD screens at the airport. Around 300-400 people in the lounge were all glued to the TV screens. A collective groan rose as Dhoni misfielded and let the ball through for a run. And then, a wicket -- Gilchrist gone! And the entire lounge erupted in claps and cheers. Even the security folks stopped their screening for a minute and applauded.
The height of all this drama was the following incident. IA was boarding their flight to Singapore. They were issuing the final boarding call for all passengers while there were still 20 balls left in the match. And a whole set of people on that flight were glued to the TV screens and didn't budge!
IA Official: Final boarding call for Singapore flight. Sir, Singapore poravanga ellam flight-la erunga sir!
Passenger: Sir, oru two minutes..
IA Official: Everyone on IA flight to Singapore, please kindly board...[pleading]
No response
IA Official: Sir, dhayavu senju erunga..flight edukkanum...[literally begging]
Still none budged. Everyone watched India's victory and then boarded the IA flight with a satisfied smile on their faces. :) It can only happen in India!
The 20-20 match between India & Australia was being displayed on the new LCD screens at the airport. Around 300-400 people in the lounge were all glued to the TV screens. A collective groan rose as Dhoni misfielded and let the ball through for a run. And then, a wicket -- Gilchrist gone! And the entire lounge erupted in claps and cheers. Even the security folks stopped their screening for a minute and applauded.
The height of all this drama was the following incident. IA was boarding their flight to Singapore. They were issuing the final boarding call for all passengers while there were still 20 balls left in the match. And a whole set of people on that flight were glued to the TV screens and didn't budge!
IA Official: Final boarding call for Singapore flight. Sir, Singapore poravanga ellam flight-la erunga sir!
Passenger: Sir, oru two minutes..
IA Official: Everyone on IA flight to Singapore, please kindly board...[pleading]
No response
IA Official: Sir, dhayavu senju erunga..flight edukkanum...[literally begging]
Still none budged. Everyone watched India's victory and then boarded the IA flight with a satisfied smile on their faces. :) It can only happen in India!
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Monday, September 24, 2007
Shriman & Shrimathi
S and I got married on 13.09.07 and are now, officially Mrs & Mr! :) That's the reason for my recent disappearance from the blogosphere. I'll continue regular programming soon...
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Friday, August 17, 2007
iCon
Recently, I've been working with a lot of Mac lovers at my workplace. They're passionately loyal to Apple products. It tickles me to find anyone so passionate about certain things. In this world of a million options and cheaper alternatives, I believe it takes something special to inspire brand loyalty. And looking at an iMac, I can easily see how it captures the imagination!
I like to look behind a success story and figure out how/why it happened. This is true of both people and products. Lots of times, people only see the finished end product and go, "Oh, they had it easy" or "Oh, that's intuitive enough. Nothing new". I think the real interesting success story lies in the making of a product/person. And if you look closely enough, you'll find a piece of the person in the products that they create.
I was curious about Steve Jobs. So I picked up "iCon: The Second Greatest Act in The History of Business", a biography of Steve Jobs and started reading it.
First off, this was a good read unlike some other biographies. It doesn't bore you with unrelated stories and vague statements. It is simple, straightforward and dishes out criticism as well as credit. It amazed me that for someone who talks a lot about karma & philosophy, Jobs sometimes can be ridiculously silly! :) Goes to show that genius in one field doesn't mean any kind of maturity in general. Sure enough, when you read through Jobs' life story, you see some elements of his character in Apple products -- for instance, the austere simplicity of Apple applications or the easy aesthetics of the UI.
Whether you love Apple or not, it is definitely an inspiring read about a man who changed three industries -- computers, music and movies. In the book, Jobs makes it clear that his final ambition would be to overtake and defeat his main competitor -- Bill Gates. Almost all his moves in the computer market have been toward making Apple a viable alternative to Windows boxes. And I have to say that he's getting closer.
I am a hardcore Windows user and I don't have many complaints against it. But I was simply blown away by the Mac recently. I got a HD camcorder recently. It came with Sony's crappy bundled software, Picture Motion Browser. Windows MP doesn't support the AVCHD format for HD movies and I had to use PMB. And by golly, was it crappy! Frames were dropped, the picture was grainy and Windows kept crashing with some strange error. On the other hand, I plugged in the Camcorder on a Mac and the experience was a lot different. Mac automatically opened up iMovie, imported the movies and played it back impeccably! The quality and user experience were simply too smooth. I loved it and am seriously considering buying a Mac for various other reasons.
Anyways, I just had to rant about this on a Friday..:) And this is my response to RS' book tag a while back. Go read iCon.
I like to look behind a success story and figure out how/why it happened. This is true of both people and products. Lots of times, people only see the finished end product and go, "Oh, they had it easy" or "Oh, that's intuitive enough. Nothing new". I think the real interesting success story lies in the making of a product/person. And if you look closely enough, you'll find a piece of the person in the products that they create.
I was curious about Steve Jobs. So I picked up "iCon: The Second Greatest Act in The History of Business", a biography of Steve Jobs and started reading it.
First off, this was a good read unlike some other biographies. It doesn't bore you with unrelated stories and vague statements. It is simple, straightforward and dishes out criticism as well as credit. It amazed me that for someone who talks a lot about karma & philosophy, Jobs sometimes can be ridiculously silly! :) Goes to show that genius in one field doesn't mean any kind of maturity in general. Sure enough, when you read through Jobs' life story, you see some elements of his character in Apple products -- for instance, the austere simplicity of Apple applications or the easy aesthetics of the UI.
Whether you love Apple or not, it is definitely an inspiring read about a man who changed three industries -- computers, music and movies. In the book, Jobs makes it clear that his final ambition would be to overtake and defeat his main competitor -- Bill Gates. Almost all his moves in the computer market have been toward making Apple a viable alternative to Windows boxes. And I have to say that he's getting closer.
I am a hardcore Windows user and I don't have many complaints against it. But I was simply blown away by the Mac recently. I got a HD camcorder recently. It came with Sony's crappy bundled software, Picture Motion Browser. Windows MP doesn't support the AVCHD format for HD movies and I had to use PMB. And by golly, was it crappy! Frames were dropped, the picture was grainy and Windows kept crashing with some strange error. On the other hand, I plugged in the Camcorder on a Mac and the experience was a lot different. Mac automatically opened up iMovie, imported the movies and played it back impeccably! The quality and user experience were simply too smooth. I loved it and am seriously considering buying a Mac for various other reasons.
Anyways, I just had to rant about this on a Friday..:) And this is my response to RS' book tag a while back. Go read iCon.
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Tuesday, August 07, 2007
The Curious Incidents of the Rude Callers
There's something wrong with me and phone calls. People seem to love hanging up on me cutting me off mid-sentence! I am not really in the habit of yakking away incessantly to strangers. But can I not be allowed to finish my sentences?!
I never go to beauty parlors. I think the people who run most beauty institutions are really snooty. At long last, last month I mustered up the courage to call a parlor for an appointment.
"Hi, this is blah."
"Hello"
"I was looking for an appointment --"
"Ok."
"Would next week --"
"Listen. I gotta go now. ok? If you can, call back."
And then she cut me off mid-sentence and hung up! What in the world? No courteous "Excuse me" or "call back please". Anyways, she lost my business.
Next comes my Apartment office dunderheads. I never had any respect for their intelligence at any time. But today took the cake! This annoying, idiot lady called me at work. I am already overaging 100 minutes on my phone plan.
"Hi..can I speak to Sabshuni Sppriineewasan." (For the love of God!)
"This is she."
"Ok. You've got a late fee on your rent."
"Err..ok. I was only a day late. Could you please consider waiving it?"
"No."
"This is just the first time, right?"
"Yes"
"How much is ---?"
Click. She'd hung up. What in the blue blistering barnacles? If I don't know how much the late fee is, how can I pay it?
And then it was this Aunty who called me out of the blue about something she wanted out of me. I was midway explaining about it. And then she decided she'd had enough of me and said,
"I'll talk later."
Click. No waiting for response. Nothing. Why call me if you don't have the time to talk?
Hmph.
I never go to beauty parlors. I think the people who run most beauty institutions are really snooty. At long last, last month I mustered up the courage to call a parlor for an appointment.
"Hi, this is blah."
"Hello"
"I was looking for an appointment --"
"Ok."
"Would next week --"
"Listen. I gotta go now. ok? If you can, call back."
And then she cut me off mid-sentence and hung up! What in the world? No courteous "Excuse me" or "call back please". Anyways, she lost my business.
Next comes my Apartment office dunderheads. I never had any respect for their intelligence at any time. But today took the cake! This annoying, idiot lady called me at work. I am already overaging 100 minutes on my phone plan.
"Hi..can I speak to Sabshuni Sppriineewasan." (For the love of God!)
"This is she."
"Ok. You've got a late fee on your rent."
"Err..ok. I was only a day late. Could you please consider waiving it?"
"No."
"This is just the first time, right?"
"Yes"
"How much is ---?"
Click. She'd hung up. What in the blue blistering barnacles? If I don't know how much the late fee is, how can I pay it?
And then it was this Aunty who called me out of the blue about something she wanted out of me. I was midway explaining about it. And then she decided she'd had enough of me and said,
"I'll talk later."
Click. No waiting for response. Nothing. Why call me if you don't have the time to talk?
Hmph.
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Friday, July 13, 2007
To be a woman..
This news shocked me. Whatever my personal sensibilities might be, I am pro-choice. I believe women are the best judges of whether they can bring another life into the world and sustain it. I would be offended if I had to explain my choices to an impersonal, strange official from the government!
That said, I don't think this measure would solve the issue of female foeticide. Why do people in the village of Usilampatti kill female infants? Because --
-- Dowry. It costs lots of money to get a girl married off.
-- A woman is technically lost to the house she was born in after marriage. She is "owned" by her husband's family. Therefore, there's no point in educating her or depending on her earnings.
-- Shame that follows when a woman is unmarried after a certain age.
-- Vulnerability a woman faces when she's unmarried -- roving eyes, an unhelpful police system that sometimes aids in rapes/murder and of course, the burden of carrying the "family honor"!
We place a great deal of worth on a woman's "honour" or chastity. I've sometimes felt that it is exaggerated to a ridiculous extent, partly by our maudlin movies and bloated emotional sensibilities. In fact, it is so ridiclously blown-up that a rape-victim is forced to die rather than face societal castigation, shame and cruelty. First, defiled for no fault of her own and then humiliated for that! And men abuse it even more because they know that this is the ultimate bargaining weapon. There's no second chance for women.
Female foeticide will vanish when the men of India learn to respect women and their choices. This proposed measure will do nothing to help any of the problems above.
And if you ask me, it serves everyone right that the female:male ratio is dwindling. Maybe, that'll teach people a little more respect.
That said, I don't think this measure would solve the issue of female foeticide. Why do people in the village of Usilampatti kill female infants? Because --
-- Dowry. It costs lots of money to get a girl married off.
-- A woman is technically lost to the house she was born in after marriage. She is "owned" by her husband's family. Therefore, there's no point in educating her or depending on her earnings.
-- Shame that follows when a woman is unmarried after a certain age.
-- Vulnerability a woman faces when she's unmarried -- roving eyes, an unhelpful police system that sometimes aids in rapes/murder and of course, the burden of carrying the "family honor"!
We place a great deal of worth on a woman's "honour" or chastity. I've sometimes felt that it is exaggerated to a ridiculous extent, partly by our maudlin movies and bloated emotional sensibilities. In fact, it is so ridiclously blown-up that a rape-victim is forced to die rather than face societal castigation, shame and cruelty. First, defiled for no fault of her own and then humiliated for that! And men abuse it even more because they know that this is the ultimate bargaining weapon. There's no second chance for women.
Female foeticide will vanish when the men of India learn to respect women and their choices. This proposed measure will do nothing to help any of the problems above.
And if you ask me, it serves everyone right that the female:male ratio is dwindling. Maybe, that'll teach people a little more respect.
Monday, July 02, 2007
Three Years And Still 'Doodling'.....
Early mornings and hot coffee are a ritual with me. They go together hand-in-hand. And as I so often keep telling S, who gulps his coffee down and rushes out the house, coffee is meant to be savoured. One sip at a time. Slowly.
Early mornings are my quiet time. They're my time to meditate, reflect, read and take life easy. I take my coffee to the patio and watch the world wake up. After sleeping in artificial air-conditioning over the night, the cool, crisp air of the morning is a welcome relief! The grass, awash with dew, seems fresher and greener. And I love the feeling of the sun's first, golden rays falling on my face as I sip coffee! I am at peace with myself and the world. Ahh, bliss!
The little birds are a lesson in energy -- hopping, skipping, flying and waking up to another day. I've become friends with one little fella, especially. I have a coir, window box with marigold plants in the patio. And this little bird has steadfastly torn out most of the coir from the box to build his little nest. At first, I was indignant and annoyed that my little window box was ruined. I was cursing myself for opting coir over plastic. I changed my mind when I saw his little nest in the tree outside my apartment..:) Somehow, I've never been able to capture the same peaceful, quiet feeling later in the day. I guess this is why I am partial to waking up early.
Anyways, I started writing this blog three years back on exactly the same note. I am not going to give you the usual of how I started blogging, how it has changed my life, the wonderful journey that it has been and how many friends I've made online etc...After reading so many well-written such pieces of blog birthdays, I feel at a loss to say anything new!
I've lasted three years. Pat on my back and thanks to loyal readers. And to you, "Doodles", I say:
"Happy Birthday"!
Friday, June 29, 2007
8 things others don't know about me
Badhri had tagged me:
1. I am a Tamizh fanatic and I seriously support the TN State Government's initiative to force Tamizh on all students upto a particular grade. I dislike it when TN born natives give me reasons like, "It's too hard" or "None ever taught me" for not learning Tamizh. I believe that the mother tongue should be second nature and not a choice.
2. When I drive, I stay in the exact center of the lane I am in. It drives me nuts when someone else is driving and they keep drifting within the lane.
3. Due to circumstances/environment etc.., I think I was older than my years as a kid. That has carried over to my adulthood and I've always been the sober, mature type. It is my secret desire to be wild, rambunctious and unruly..:)
4. I'd like to say witty, cutting things to people when they hurl an insult at me. But I've sucked at it so far and expect to continue :(
5. I've secretly fallen in love with Vandiyathevan of "Ponniyin Selvan" yore. Each time I go to Srirangam, I like to go on temple tours nearby. Whenever I pass Vallam, where SASTRA now resides, my father and I share a "Vandiyathevan" moment. :) And unfailingly, I wonder about past lives, rebirths and serendipity.
6. I am more philosophical than I care to reveal. At times, when going to a movie or eating at an expensive restaurant or indulging myself in luxury, a discomfiting voice pops up in my head,
"And to what end does this activity lead you? Who does it help?"
I am confronted with "nothing" as the answer and it scares me. Not sure if any of you have the same kind of thoughts but I often do. It leaves me confused! :)
7. I cannot hate anyone for a prolonged period of time. Although the statement of "I-once-hated-this-person" is there and I express it, the feeling behind the statement would've vanished a long time back (usually within a week). And I am not averse to extending a hand of friendship again. Not sure if this is a good or bad thing.
8. I often have this recurring dream where I am walking on the Marina beach. Suddenly, the waves start becoming higher and I run toward land. There's a huge wave -- about 100 feet or so -- that rises and chases me. I keep running and running and running...And then I wake up. Even though I've had this dream hundreds of times, I've never known the way it ends. I am sure there's some deep Freudian meaning to this dream but I don't want to find out.. :)
1. I am a Tamizh fanatic and I seriously support the TN State Government's initiative to force Tamizh on all students upto a particular grade. I dislike it when TN born natives give me reasons like, "It's too hard" or "None ever taught me" for not learning Tamizh. I believe that the mother tongue should be second nature and not a choice.
2. When I drive, I stay in the exact center of the lane I am in. It drives me nuts when someone else is driving and they keep drifting within the lane.
3. Due to circumstances/environment etc.., I think I was older than my years as a kid. That has carried over to my adulthood and I've always been the sober, mature type. It is my secret desire to be wild, rambunctious and unruly..:)
4. I'd like to say witty, cutting things to people when they hurl an insult at me. But I've sucked at it so far and expect to continue :(
5. I've secretly fallen in love with Vandiyathevan of "Ponniyin Selvan" yore. Each time I go to Srirangam, I like to go on temple tours nearby. Whenever I pass Vallam, where SASTRA now resides, my father and I share a "Vandiyathevan" moment. :) And unfailingly, I wonder about past lives, rebirths and serendipity.
6. I am more philosophical than I care to reveal. At times, when going to a movie or eating at an expensive restaurant or indulging myself in luxury, a discomfiting voice pops up in my head,
"And to what end does this activity lead you? Who does it help?"
I am confronted with "nothing" as the answer and it scares me. Not sure if any of you have the same kind of thoughts but I often do. It leaves me confused! :)
7. I cannot hate anyone for a prolonged period of time. Although the statement of "I-once-hated-this-person" is there and I express it, the feeling behind the statement would've vanished a long time back (usually within a week). And I am not averse to extending a hand of friendship again. Not sure if this is a good or bad thing.
8. I often have this recurring dream where I am walking on the Marina beach. Suddenly, the waves start becoming higher and I run toward land. There's a huge wave -- about 100 feet or so -- that rises and chases me. I keep running and running and running...And then I wake up. Even though I've had this dream hundreds of times, I've never known the way it ends. I am sure there's some deep Freudian meaning to this dream but I don't want to find out.. :)
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Is Likeability Such a Big Deal?
I landed on to this blog after a colleague had criticised it on hers. I ended up reading some of her other posts including the "Making Yourself More Likable at Work" one. Being easy to work with and having a good attitude does help a person's career. But putting likeability ahead of hard work? I have a problem with that.
If a person smiles ear to ear, runs personal errands for colleagues but doesn't get any work done in the office, would that merit a promotion? Even if it did, I don't think the person would be ready for it. Besides, once you get into the subjective "likeability" game, I think a person stands to lose self-respect after some point. A lot of things in this world are earned -- slowly, surely and with experience. And going through those ups and downs makes a person more mature, capable and worthy. Taking shortcuts by being "likeable" seems juvenile!
Even in the social domain, I think likeability is over-rated. I know people who are quite artificial in their efforts to be considered "sweet" or "likeable". And no matter what they try, I know that I don't like them because of their efforts to be too caring/sweet/likeable! If a person is honest, interesting, friendly and straight-forward, people will naturally gravitate toward them. There's too many complications in this world already. People don't need another complex, emotionally mixed-up, confusing personality in their lives -- whether at work or outside of it!
If a person smiles ear to ear, runs personal errands for colleagues but doesn't get any work done in the office, would that merit a promotion? Even if it did, I don't think the person would be ready for it. Besides, once you get into the subjective "likeability" game, I think a person stands to lose self-respect after some point. A lot of things in this world are earned -- slowly, surely and with experience. And going through those ups and downs makes a person more mature, capable and worthy. Taking shortcuts by being "likeable" seems juvenile!
Even in the social domain, I think likeability is over-rated. I know people who are quite artificial in their efforts to be considered "sweet" or "likeable". And no matter what they try, I know that I don't like them because of their efforts to be too caring/sweet/likeable! If a person is honest, interesting, friendly and straight-forward, people will naturally gravitate toward them. There's too many complications in this world already. People don't need another complex, emotionally mixed-up, confusing personality in their lives -- whether at work or outside of it!
Friday, June 01, 2007
South Indian families and politics....
For a long time, Hum Aapke Hain Koun represented a cultural watershed for me in a personal sense. It came out while I was in 10th grade and my friends were crazy about it! Apart from Madhuri Dixit's beauty, the haunting songs and the romance that it offered, the movie fascinated me because it glorified the extended family concept -- doting aunts, loving uncles, friendly cousins, one big happy family. Till I saw the movie, I'd not even realized that an extended family could really get along together! :)
My paternal family is quite big. When I was a kid and my grandma was alive, we used to have those annual familial gatherings. All my grandma's sons, daughters, in-laws, grandchildren used to get together under one roof. I used to look forward to those meets as it gave me a sense of family. But as I grew up, I realized that these gatherings were turning out to be less and less about family and more about personal egos. Politics was rife in the air and there was always tension. There were always a few members who couldn't stop gloating, taunting, insulting etc...And the rest of the family usually put up with this due to a myriad reasons, chief among them being my grandmother. I think that in a lot of ways, she was the glue that held the family together and when she passed away, everything disintegrated.
Almost all South Indian families I know are fraught with politics. This might sound like a sweeping generalization but this has been my experience. The relatives barely want to see each other and there's no love lost. Like I said, I'd taken this to be the norm until I saw HAHK. It seemed utopia to me! Later on, I found that most of my North Indian friends really did have loving extended families.
What is it about South Indian families that make them so rife with politics? Why do we not get along? Is it our upbringing? Is it our competitive culture? Is it because we're too formal and take offense at the slightest instance? I am not sure but I guess the child in me will always keep yearning for the utopian HAHK family.. :)
My paternal family is quite big. When I was a kid and my grandma was alive, we used to have those annual familial gatherings. All my grandma's sons, daughters, in-laws, grandchildren used to get together under one roof. I used to look forward to those meets as it gave me a sense of family. But as I grew up, I realized that these gatherings were turning out to be less and less about family and more about personal egos. Politics was rife in the air and there was always tension. There were always a few members who couldn't stop gloating, taunting, insulting etc...And the rest of the family usually put up with this due to a myriad reasons, chief among them being my grandmother. I think that in a lot of ways, she was the glue that held the family together and when she passed away, everything disintegrated.
Almost all South Indian families I know are fraught with politics. This might sound like a sweeping generalization but this has been my experience. The relatives barely want to see each other and there's no love lost. Like I said, I'd taken this to be the norm until I saw HAHK. It seemed utopia to me! Later on, I found that most of my North Indian friends really did have loving extended families.
What is it about South Indian families that make them so rife with politics? Why do we not get along? Is it our upbringing? Is it our competitive culture? Is it because we're too formal and take offense at the slightest instance? I am not sure but I guess the child in me will always keep yearning for the utopian HAHK family.. :)
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