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Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Secrets...

I used to love being privy to "secrets". I'd feel all tingly when a friend or a relative drew me close and whispered conspiratorially in my ear, "Don't mention it to any other living soul! You're the only one in the know." To me, it was a sign of trust; a seal of approval on the sanctity of the relationship; And in some ways, a bonding ritual. After all, what's a relationship without sharing those little things that none else knew? I fought with one of my best friends in college because he refused to tell me the name of his crush. We didn't talk for 2 months and we fought many times over it. I considered it an insult to the friendship that he didn't share it with me (Me of all people! Didn't he consider me trustworthy? Wasn't I his best friend? How dare he!).

I don't know when gyaan descended on me (You must agree that it is a sure sign of enlightenment that I can't pinpoint the moment the lightbulb went off in my head! :)) but things are not so black-and-white to me these days. Recently, I found that a relative hadn't shared some important family events, albeit sorrowful, with us. It was a shock to the entire family to find out about it. Some were angry, some outraged, some unconcerned. I just felt sympathy. There's so much involved in sharing personal things -- a bit of ego, fear of judgement, fear of disapproval, fear of being seen as a loser, fear of consequences and fear of the pity that'd be brought on by sharing. And sometimes, its just the plain burden of having to pick up the phone and talk to people than face-to-face interaction. The list could go on!

I've stopped basing relationships on what other people share with me. Sure, I feel good if they trust me enough to tell me something. If not, well, I'll be a bit hurt but they'll still be good friends! :) Besides, some secrets are best left in the dark.

The friend I fought with during college is still one of my good friends. He came to India from the US for my wedding and though I didn't get to talk to him much, I was happy to just have him around. I've realized that I can't let go of some relationships no matter what -- secrets or not!


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5 comments:

zep said...

pssst... I have a crush on Vidya Balan and Jordana Spiro (TBS series, My Boys).. ohh... and the latest, Jenna Fischer (NBC series, The Office) ;)

yaarkitteyum solladha.. :D

viswajith.k.n said...

nice one...:)

dinesh said...

Loose..andha maari oru close friend telling you he has a crush but not telling you who...ku orey artham dhaan..you are the one!

ak said...

dins - you nailed it man! :)

prabukarthik said...

>>I fought with one of my best friends in college because he refused to tell me the name of his crush

idellam konjam over..
un kitte irundhu, anegama lex ke therinja matter vanga naan evlo mail panninen nu enakku thaan theriyum...

btw dinesh has a point :)
avar late a sonaalum latest a solraar.