Sunday, March 06, 2005

Why are men uncomfortable with powerful women??! I've seen this syndrome from middle school till now. For some reason, men tend to view women who are smart, independent and quite willing to take a few knocks as haughty, proud and shrewish. In fact, these sort of comments in college corridors used to drive me mad. Another thing I found was that if a girl doesn't cry in response to some problem, then she is considered a shrew. And somehow, men derive satisfaction and are willing to help the same girl when she breaks down under stress. It is as if men prefer women to be vulnerable, helpless and dependent! Hillary Clinton was viewed as a bitch till she accepted and played the role of a victim of Bill's philandering. And she won a seat to the senate just on that score! Ditto with Martha Stewart. Somehow, going to jail has softened her bitchy image and made her more palatable.
And another thing I find often is that men find disorganized, scatterbrained (at least a bit) and tantrum-throwing girls much more attractive than a very cool, organized and independent girl. If a girl intones in a overly honey sweet voice over the phone that she can't drive her car to the supermarket because she is such a horrible driver and she can't get her shopping done without him, a guy will drop every important thing he has to do and rush over to her help. But if the same girl tells him in a cool voice that she is going to shop at the supermarket, she could pick him up and would appreciate some help, the guy is probably going to refuse.
Beat that!


Freeyavedu said...

An Independent girl is always better than a emotionally weak girl. This holds true for all the guys irrespective of whether they like a independent girl or not.
When ppl are in love, a guy might like a girl who is too much dependent on him. But, after a few years, I don't think he'll like her to be that way.

Anonymous said...

I agree to u 100% subha... i have seen/ am seeing this happenning around me always. i would like to add one more thing which i have seen. Even if the girl is pretty sociable / has good sense of humour, most guys consider her to be odd.

Infact , as freeavidu says , they dont like such girls / loose interest in those after some time.

The irony is, their (stupid guys- no offense against sensible guys) brains never work till they go way across the honey-moon phase of their life to feel the importance of being independent, sociable and bold. Their sense of being a saviour to those girls drench them so much that they cannot rationally appreciate the independent girls.
subha,independent ponna thappa nenakaravanga/ thirumbi paakaathanaala avanga innum independentaa thaan aakaraanga...ithungaa innum looseaa thaan irukku..anyway, i appreciate you for bringing this up

The Last Blogger said...

I think its a girls insecurity that makes her think thus. Men like strong, independent girl. Now if she were to challenge his traditional supremacy in the house in some way or the other, the response can be varied. Sometimes men are hurt and respond in stupid ways. But most men like a strong girl and they are constantly challenged to perform as well as their significant other. Things are just really good that way.
Men like to think that they offer a feeling of security to a girl and many women like that feeling too. If that feeling is challenged, it requires mature heads to understand the situation and act accordingly. Egos dont ever help. Understanding does. All men arent chauvinists and all women are all not non-feminists.

Harish said...

hmm... every male is a distant relative of adam!

Chakra Sampath said...

Subha, my first time here.. quite an impressive blog.

coming to this post, don't u think that this is too much of a generalisation? As the last blogger says, all men aren't chavunists.

Off the topic, you hav made a good start in your tamizh blog.. continue the good work by posting more. good luck!

Subha said...

the last blogger and Chakra, probably it is a generalization. I guess there are always exceptions to the rule. Thanks for the encouragement with the tamizh blog. Will post on it soon.

Ram said...

r u the "independent" type? i'd like to keep away in that case ! :P

Subha said...

Really,Minimal ego, and here I was begging you not to stay away from me....:)

Ram said...


Ram said...

u "really" are...:P

Twin-Gemini said...

Hi Subha

Came here from Freeyavidu's blog. Dont quite agree with this generalization - I think it applies both ways and the character of a person cannot be generalized this way. I do agree, although, that during school or college days people tend to mold their personality into the typical stereo-type that you are talking about due to various reasons - peer pressure being the most, but many evolve and get out of that phase and see things in a better light. I know several of my friends who like confident and independent women.

Aurelius said...

Hey Subha. Got here coz my stats said you've been to mine.
I've discussed this very problem with some female friends of mine in the past. And what I think is that our culture encourages men to believe they need to be the knight in shining armour who will ride into a woman's life, and make it better, or fight off her dragon, or whatever.
Independent women though don't need rescuing. So the men reckon they can't "save" them, and if they're intelligent, capable, know their way around the world etc, they're harder to "amaze". And men think their job is to be their woman's hero.
So some blokes shy away from it.

Not all men do it, but enough that my capable women friends find it very frustrating and annoying.
Speaking for myself, I prefer women who are a challenge - by being as intelligent, capable, interesting as I am.

Dinesh said...


Nice post. I heard about your blog spot from Ramya. She said it was interesting and interesting it is ! Not that I agree with everything here. Not all men want women to be powerless and completely dependent on them. In fact for myself, I'd like to be with somebody who can handle a lot of things by herself. But I agree that zero weakness in a girl, can also be a little bit of a turn off. I would want my counterpart to depend on me for some (underline some) things. And vice versa, I want to depend on her for a few things. That dependence can be a very healthy thing, in my opinion. It generates respect for each other. So, in my opinion, this is not entirely a male thing.

Don't get me wrong here. I am not trying to defend chauvinistic people here.But as much as it is the fault of the male having such expectations, it is the fault of the female for accepting the role thrust on her.

Dinesh said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Dinesh said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Dinesh said...


Good thought process. It's hard not to respond to such a tempting blog. I heard from Ramya about your blogspot. She said it was interesting and interesting it is. Not that I agree with everything you say here.

The first thing that I think is untrue is the fact that men find disorganized, scatterbrained and tantrum throwing girls more attractive than organized girls. In fact I think a lot of men find neat and organized girls attractive and I find it hard to imagine how the opposite can be true. Secondly, I for one, would like somebody that's talented and independent as opposed to somebody completely helpless and dependent on me. What is true in what you are saying is that, some amount of dependence exists. But I don't think it's just one way, I think it works both ways. Men need women to be dependent on them as much as women need men to be dependent on them. And I believe, a small amount of dependence can be healthy for a relationship. It helps build a respect for each other. So, it's not Chauvinism that causes this. I agree with Aurelius when he says that this is a society thing and not caused by the individual (Btw, I thought his response was wonderfully written). And I believe that as much as it is the fault of the male having such expectations, it is the fault of the female for accepting the role thrust on her.

Anonymous said...

Life is what you see. The reality is always never shown in full perspective to anyone. In school days, there was mutual rivalry. I can never tolerate a girl scoring more than me. But as years roled out, I understood how caring women are. I liked them a lot. As days go by, when I realised women possess the power to make or break me I became very cautious towards them. My understanding keeps changing. Different people learn different things through their experience, though their understanding of life bound to be changing forever.
Having said that, I accept certain behavior you menitioned are visible in our society. I will think such people as immature ones. But there are ones who are not afraid to exploit sexually or otherwise. I cannot forgive them.
Finally, Many people see life as competition and try to form opinions based upon about everything/everyone. (I mean like this person will help me winning the competiton or going to stall my progress.) To me, life is a classroom. Good or Bad, people teach me invaluable lessons. I worship them. Probably that is what is called maturity or may be not.

Venky said...

I just got off the phone with a girl in Lexington who is an independent, smart entrepreuner. I just realized while I was talking to her that all I really have for her is admiration and affection. I dont feel one bit threatened by her! So i guess your generalization about guys isnt true with me.
However I think being caring, considerate, sweet and understanding are characteristics best brought out by women. I see independence (et all) and affectionate (et all) co-exist in my mother, sister, some friends and would like to see these qualities in my gf or wife. I have a great deal of respect for such women and have also often fallen for them!

P.S: I wasnt sure about this all along and didnt want to blindly disagree with you, hence I am writing this comment soo late!

Venky said...

One more thing I just remembered the joke me, Sam and Parsa used to make about ourselves which was

"Machan the problem we have is we always fall for the smart and Independent type....its an excellent catch 22 situation because if she was smart she wouldnt fall for us would she?"
When one of us said this the other 2 used to yell "Loser"