Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Female dumpers..

I was recently at a gathering where I ran into an old acquaintance. Back when I got to know her, she was living with her boyfriend and they were going steady. Both of them are now happily married to other people. The nub happens to be in the fact that she dumped her boyfriend who was well-liked by most of their common friends. So as the dumper, she became the villainess of the piece in their friends' eyes.

So, at this party I went to, the air was rife with awkwardness. Everyone was trying to avoid talking of her ex, her recent wedding, her husband etc.. I tried to initiate conversation but she was very guarded in her replies. She obviously thought (so would I) that I was judging her for her past actions. I wasn't but I generally get very awkward in a generally awkward atmosphere. I am not one of those people who can break the ice by saying something hilarious.

Anyway, I felt really, really sorry for her. I think it takes great courage to walk out of a relationship. The longer the relationship, the harder it becomes. But I respect her for the fact that she knew her own mind, decided that something wasn't working and was bold enough to find someone else.

It got me thinking if society treats female dumpers a bit more harshly. If a man dumps a woman, most people regret the fact, feel sorry for the woman and then move on. People might think the guy is an #@$ but they give him the benefit of the doubt. But if the woman is the dumper, then there are all these whispers of, "What kind of a woman is she to dump a guy after x years? What kind of morals does she have?"

Totally unfair but then, women get the wrong end of the stick most of the time anyway..


P B said...

You are talking about which era? Live together before marriage itself means ppl are still weighing options. Marriage as once in a life time thingy concept is not true these days. Even in india these things are very common. Funny thing is ppl who do live together in USA hide it from parents thinking they might be shocked if they happened to know, also if they needed to walk out parents would not be knowing the complexities etc. I think most parents know about these things nowadays and they will be able to handle it. Idhellam sadharanamappa!

Badhri said...

>> Totally unfair but then, women get the wrong end of the stick most of the time anyway..

Quite true in general...

>> If a man dumps a woman, most people regret the fact, feel sorry for the woman and then move on. But if the woman is the dumper...

Strange! I thought the perception would be, if a woman dumps a man, then the man must have had questionable character (drinking or worse..). If the man dumps a woman, it can be for any reason. Either way, I thought man gets to be the villain. But may be in this case, the specific lady you are talking about probably married right after she dumped the other guy (which again isn't wrong) and this must have opened the can of worms . :)

arths said...

I think its both ways subha .. I mean we treat/look at the guy who dumps a girl in the same way as we do for the girl.. anyways ... all i want to know is who the girl is ? ;)we can continue this over chat/email :)

Maayaa said...

First, i appreciate you for looking the whole thing in a different perspective :)

If the girl dumped somebody just for getting married to somebody else (or like badhri says, if she got married right away after breaking up) because she feared that the prev. would not work, that's perceived as unfair and I absolutely agree with people's reaction.

But, if she dumped him and stayed atleast for few months without being in a relation, I salute her from your angle !!