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Monday, May 23, 2005

Variations of Disconnect- The Senate

The Senate is at full strength on some days. A timid voice raises a topic
tentatively. A strident, booming voice drowns it out mid-sentence with an
irrelevant observation. A scornful voice dripping with sarcasm interjects a
comment and quells any further discussion on that topic. A harmonious, soothing tone sprays a cool jet of water onto heated emotions. And on and on it goes...Yes, my mind sometimes feels like a Senate with a number of voices and tones voicing different opinions, sometimes relevant; sometimes totally off-topic and irrelevant but interesting nonetheless. I can't discern physical forms for the owners of these voices. All I can identify them is by their tone and style of talk. At times discordant, at times soothing, there is always a constant buzz of conversation in all our minds. Perhaps we don't notice it all the time but when you consciously still your awareness, you realize the omnipresent low-pitched hum. Many times, I have noticed that these observations are variations of disconnect from the task that my conscious(?!) mind is working on. I decided to write about these random, nonsensical observations that pop up in my head.


I was talking to someone I totally respect and like. X said,
"....As an aside,I felt that Y is REALLY good at what he does. But coming
back to the matter at hand,..." and so went the conversation. All day long, I could sense something in the back of my mind, nagging me but my mind was way too busy and I couldn't place my finger on it. Hours later,in the calmness of the evening, I
heard that same timid but persistent voice point out to me that all day long, I'd been thinking that someday, sometime, at least once, I want to be the person on the other end when X says "Good Job!" :)

19 comments:

virumandi said...

'but when you consciously still your awareness, you realize the omnipresent low-pitched hum'

if at all somebody reaches this point, 'ENLIGHTMENT' is achieved!!! that low-pitched hum..somedays..when i experience..make my day so great!!!

Ram said...

italics and non-italics...wats the difference?

Kay said...

Well written buddy....

X will say one day that u did a good job maibe not directly to you but he might say that to y.

Prabu Karthik said...

Dont worry
X will say that to someone or better will say that to Kay :-)

btw adhenna weekly oru post?
Anandha vikatan madhiri?

Badhri said...

I felt that most of the X's think that the day they say those to magical words - good job - will be the last day we will actually come up with one. In some cases, may be its true.

dinesh said...

I liked how you describe the different voices inside of you. I have a similar set of characters inside of me as well. Maybe one day, I'll write something about my set of guys.

As for X, I am sure he'd have said good things about you already, maybe not just in front of you. Wait..waiting for it and getting it eventually makes it sweeter ! :)

ada-paavi!!!! said...

came here from virumandis blog, interesting blog like ur writing. sometimes inside my head i too hear voices, thee are conflicting thoughts, but from a different perspective.

Anonymous said...

Stepping into the shoes of 'X' for a while (RS, yes those shoes don't fit me)...Good job Subha..:).

Honestly, though, I feel recognition comes automatically by being sincere in ones efforts...trying to please someone or gain their recognition will only make one more miserable. Every person is unique in his own way. Aw, that is what one of the dominant voices in me is saying right now...:)

Nice/interesting title too...

KP.

Prashanth said...

hey shubha,
i can relate to ur post a lot...cos ther was this time when i was longin for my friends to acknowldge/appreciate things i had done for them... they did after quite soemtime...

it jus takes time for ppl to notice stuff... if ur heads a senate ,mines the ind parliament...my guys throw mikes and curse at each other...

Subha said...

Virumandi,
namakku enlightenment vara alvukku ellam gnanam illai..:)

Minimal Ego,
the italics were just a kind of preface to what I was going to say.

Kay,
Hope that happens sometime..:)

Subha said...

Prabhu Karthik,
antha scene ledhu..:) time kidaikkaradhillai ezhudha..i wrote a couple of Tamil blogs. So this one got neglected..:)

Badhri,
perhaps you are right..hmm. U've made me think.

Subha said...

Dinesh,
the voices I have inside of my heads are numerous..it is like kothavaalchavadi market at times..:) I have written just about the salient ones that make repeat appearances. Looking forward to your set.

Subha said...

KP,
it is not about recognition for one's work that I am talking about. It is about being considered worthy enough by someone one respects a lot- just an appreciative nod, a word of commendation..those make my day!!

SatheeshR said...

Subha,

Little essence + Little nonsense : made a nice read. Now you want me to talk to X and impart some sense in him ? ;-)

Anonymous said...

NeKku entha Algebra-vey Purilla ! :)
-Vasu

thennavan said...

Hi Subha:

You are on camera at Chennai Central's weekend post (sorry to use a canned comment for all the bloggers for informing about that post since I don't have time to write individually to each). That post itself was many hours in the making :-)

Subha said...

Satheesh, thanks for the offer but no thanks...:)

Thennavan, thanks for dropping by. Read your post. Was awesome! :)

Gangadhar said...

First time on your blog..Intereseting posts..Keep it up..

Anonymous said...

Aint this common to all of us??? I must have thought the same, more than a million times.
TCD