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Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Outpourings on a Tuesday night..

I went to Starbucks with a long-time friend this evening. It was just the two of us and I was all tingly with anticipation because she'd told me she had "special news" to share! Outings with girl friends are just so much more fun in some ways! You get to bond about a lot of things a guy is never, ever, ever going to get (even if it is one's husband). Back in college, Shailu and I used to regularly do this -- just hang out and do "girly" things. I miss that so much in the US! I had an awesome time just catching up on old times, talking about her guy, wedding plans, moving plans, the whole works.

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Some questions just become difficult to ask as we get older. Especially, topics about marriage and salary packages even with good friends. People get defensive about their choices and even if you were just asking most innocently, the conversation goes all awkward. Can words really mean so many things? I wouldn't mind if someone I know well asks me a similar question but different people come with different baggages, experiences and responsibilities. So these days I've drawn an invisible lakshman rekha with most people (Of course, there's still the few people I take that liberty with!). Does it bode well for those relationships? Do we need to risk asking hard questions sometimes? Or does not asking very personal questions somehow strengthen the relationship? I guess the answer to most of these questions is "It depends"..:)

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Speaking of relationships, I've agonized over a lot of friendships that "could have been". You really like a person and you want to get to know them well. But sometimes expectations aren't always balanced on both ends. Sometimes, people want more or they want less. Or maybe one blurts something that'd have been better left unsaid! The situation gets awkward and a once promising friendship fades away into obscurity. I've had my fair share of these and I've spent a lot of mental energy wondering if it could've turned out differently.

But these days I've had a lot of perfectly normal, conflict-less, amicable friendships fade into oblivion as well! These are due to the more practical demands of physical distance, work, school, family etc..

I've reconciled myself to the fact that if long-time friendships can fade into nothing, losing a few budding-friendships isn't so bad.

9 comments:

viswajith.k.n said...

Have wondered a lot about the third point in particular usually!

sb said...

well, Husbands never get the girlie fundae. However, that helps them remain as husbands. :P

Zeppelin said...

I must say, as I read through the post, it starts to sound a lot like Carrie Bradshaw's narrative.

(yes, it is a compliment :))

good post, after quite sometime. reminds me of our silly phone times.. :)

The Doodler said...

viswajith, :)

sb, that's funny! :)

zep, whoooo..a compliment! silly phone times are the best..

subhashssm said...

hey
u r posts are very natural and awesome.u r comment on dasavatharam how nambi gets linked with the rest of the story is very simple.chaos theory-in temples u would have known that there is a MOOLAVAR(never is taken out) and UTSAVAR(taken out for processions).here the moolavar is put inside the sea and the utsavar of the same temple goes and finds him out at last where u can see the moolavar being washed ashore by tsunami.Also in the sand mafia scene asin trips over a rock and it is the same where she hurts herself and dies in the opening scene.When bush is there u should not ignore the local guy-karunanidhi.This is the one of the best i have ever seen.as for the music kamal should have gone with rahman.looking forward to read more good posts from u and u r posts under desperation was nice.
subash

RS said...

Hmm, so I was reading this almost-chick-lit novel yesterday and the lady in the novel has a fight with her husband and she catches a cab straight to her best friend's apartment to spend the night there and discuss her fight over mocha and muffins...and I was thinking, I could never do that! I can't even think of one place I could catch a cab (or drive to :p) in a situation like this! Girl friends like that are a real rarity, I guess!

subhashssm said...

HEY U R BLOG ON INSPIRATION ESPECIALLY THE THOUGHT BY AGASSI WAS NICE
SEEING U R PROFILE I JUST HATE COFFEE
I FIND IT VERY INTERSTING THAT THIS DRINK HAS MORE POWERS THEN ALCOHOL THAT PEOPLE I KNOW ARE UNABLE TO LIVE WITHOUT IT
THE BEST THING IS h2O-WATER

Jira said...

my first time here...
your blog offers a very absorbing read..

Can't agree more on how people get defensive about their choices in career, relationship etc...

Most People usually feel awkward with a personal query, but I find they open up once I do. When I start talking about my life and such, others do too! Its a matter of gaining their trust I guess...Thats why with people close to me, it is a lot easier to discuss matters of personal nature without any unpleasantness.

Anonymous said...

Weather the person you are dealing with is a once close friend or a once in a while friend, the whole thing depends on how affectionately(not the worldly affections involving give-take business, but unconditional affection) you view a person when the person is before you or physically away from you.

I have seen a million times in my life that no matter how closer or how far the person lives physically, if I develop an unconditional affection (either by identifying atleast one universally applicable good nature in that person or without any reason), then, I have seen that I can workout a closer relation that is beyond (or that withstands) the test of time.

I guess, it all depends on how unconditionally we develop affections in this world with every entity in this world is what determines what we are in this world. After all, due to the fact that we, in originality, are nothing but the Universal ONESELF, developing unconditional relation with others(be it even animals or plants as well) establishes our lost Universal ONENESS. Then, we will never have to be subjected to gaining or loosing the relationships. We are with everyone then.