I had a Distributed Computing course in my final year. Unfortunately, I had an extremely boring teacher. He was a nice man, of course but just that he rambled on with his sentences so much that I lost track of the beginning of the sentence by the time he was done with it (Kind of like the way you may feel about this last sentence..). Many used to listen to him because he used to get all upset and start lecturing about life which was even worse than him lecturing about Distributed Computing. Anyways, I never did listen to him. As punishment (that too in the final year!), he sent me to the last bench aka "Maaplai bench" (I don't know what his logic was. Perhaps he thought I'd be so ashamed of sitting in the "maaplai bench"?! I sure wasn't because I had a lot more fun there). Which was just fine and dandy with me because it was more conducive to sleeping. He stopped short of sending me out of the class because I think he knew I would gladly trade the canteen for one of his afternoon classes.
Anyways, the point of writing this is that this guy really got me started on something. I had a book called Mental Fitness. In that, there was a chapter on making things interesting. So when I was bored, I used to put myself in his shoes and look at the class. It woke me up and man, was it interesting!! I tried looking at the class through the eyes of a person who didn't know the language, the eyes of a 4-year old etc...and it was very good mental exercise!!
I guess when you put yourself in another person's shoes, it is REALLY hard to get mad at that person or judge them or be obnoxious. Sometimes it annoys me that people judge so quickly without ever thinking that perhaps the person in front of them is more complex than can be fathomed in a short span of time. A silly joke, a small mistake and wham! There goes your reputation forever. And the worst thing about some is that they can remember such stuff forever.
For good or for worse, I can't hold grudges against anyone for more than 24 hours! I just tend to forgive and forget. And I can't remember all the silly things that people do because I guess I do them too. And finally, it is impossible for me to be angry with anyone for a long time because I put myself in their shoes and it feels like what they did was right at that point of time. There evaporates my irritation. Sometimes, I wish I could just hold it right there just to teach the other person a lesson. But maybe it is just a god-given gift that I don't carry all this unwanted baggage in life's journey. When I go to bed at night, I have the gift of peace and dreamless slumber.
11 comments:
May be its this gift that makes you such a personable girl and gr88 fun to hang out with!!
Ok i was just kidding...dont flatter yourself. I know a person whom i love dearly and whose anger i fear soo much that it gives me a sick feeling in the stomach. Once angry this beautiful woman would refuse to talk to me for days and i have had to apologise and beg repeatedly to get things back to normalcy! While i always thought that this was just plain stubborness it took me a while to understand that it wasnt the case. She used to get mad because she used to get hurt and not angry!
The point of writing this is if somebody hurt you can you forgive the person and forget in 24 hrs? I doubt it...esp. not if it was a person you trusted and cared about!
Ok...I'd stop now before beginning to sound totally pansy!!
Putting yourself in someone's shoes. I think I read a chapter on this in the book 'Men are from Mars - Women are from Venus'
Interesting concept.
subha!!!
i want to add one more thing.. i never had this peace b4 (when i was in high school). But I have it totally now.
As you say,now, I tend to forget the grudge. If we can identify and try to modify our priorities, we can do it..its all in the attitude .
But we have to consistently take steps for it for a while till we incorporate it in ourselves...
priya
> For good or for worse, I can't hold grudges against anyone for more than 24 hours!
- thats really an admirable (& enviable) quality to have. Kudos for that. If you really manage to follow that forever, life wd be much peaceful for you & others around.
People, it is not like I don't feel hurt, angry or upset. But perhaps I don't carry it along in my head always. There's a saying by JFK, "Forgive your enemies but never forget them."
I guess I follow that...
Shubha..
Well ,Its really a pain if a person who is very close to you does something knowingly bad. Nothing would convince you even if you put yourself in his shoes or atleast it would take days to forget but still the wound never heals. If an opinion is formed , it just remains forever and I mean opinions and not prejudices in here.
But it is pointless in teaching them a lesson rather I would better forget everything .It badly hurts though ... Never Mind !
I guess i am digressing out of the point and better I should stop here. [ Romba kadichuttenna Kandukkatha .. ]
Found it be a very good one!
~Vasu
I know what to do. Make Subha really angry and then stay out of sight for a couple of days.
Sound good eh ?!!
subha,
point taken, but can u really be that way?
and what do u remember of someone who hurt ur feelings?
wont u remember that person for that act - for eternity if he/she were ur closest?
I would although I would rather not.
Prabhu, Venky and Vasu,
all of you have kind of made the same point. I was not talking of close relationships in this post; but now that it has come up: yes, it is more difficult in that situation to forgive especially if you are left with the feeling that it was intentionally done. The thing is that if it is a one time thing, then we can give them a second chance. If it happens over and over, then I suppose the relationship is not as good as we thought perhaps?! I don't know...I guess there's no one answer to this..
As far as I go, can I be like that? Well, I suppose I will run the full gamut of emotions (hate, hurt, anger, you name it..:)) but I am pretty sure that I will also forgive and forget in perhaps a few days' time. After all, I must've loved/liked that person for a reason.
u r blessed
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