This is the BEST-est post in the world

Observation #1:


Come Father's day or Mother's day, stores are full of "Best mom/dad in the world" paraphernalia. There are variations of the word "Best" like "Awesomest", "Amazing", "Unique" etc...in the balloons, cups, jewelry boxes, greeting cards that the stores peddle. I am all for cute stuff and I do hope one day G will present me with one of these. Call me picky but I have started disliking the "Bestest in the world" phrase. How can only one mom be the best in the entire world? Who are we comparing moms with? Every mom is probably the best for her kid but to claim the "bestest, awesomest" status amongst all the moms of the world sounds rather irritating. I feel like the words have lost their meaning.

Rant #2:

There's no dearth of bad news in today's media. There's always someone dead, raped, missing, mutilated, killed, terrorized or brutalized. And when the family of these people talk to the media, they always talk of the "warm, lively, full-of-life, won't-hurt-a-single-fly, helpful, brilliant" victim. I know we're all supposed to talk well of the dead and I do sympathize with all these victims but I wish people would come up with really thoughtful things to say. Either 

a) Everyone in the world is a clone

b) the victim, in reality, was such a sucky person that the family finds refuge in cliches

I guess I should really stop ranting. But hey, I am a sleep deprived new mom and this is what happens when you're awake at all odd hours of the night. I think I've earned the right to rant (for the time being)..:)

Who watches Sun TV?

We have had Sun TV at home for the past two years. This was the only Tamil channel available overseas. I wanted to hear some Tamil spoken when I got home. So we got it. But, I rarely ever watched it except for some good movies on it. Why? Because it has got the worst program line-up ever in the history of television.

There are serials, mindless game shows, cloying "reality" dance shows, movies, movies and more movies. They debuted "Adaverallam Aada varalaam" recently. The preview shows this guy who injures himself on the dance floor. Prithviraj (aka Babloo) is begging the show's judges to let him be taken to the hospital. Huh?! The injured guy comes up with a really stupid line like, "All warriors want to fall on the battlefield. I'd rather die on stage than go to the hospital." Second huh?!!!!!!! Okay, drama queen, if you want to die on-stage, that's your problem. But we don't want to see it.  Of course, its all coached "reality TV" lines. Still, who comes up with such crap at Sun TV?

Then there are the ubiquitous "game shows". First is "Rani Maharani" hosted by Mamathy Chari. It is an insult to the intelligence of the women of TN. They show a piece of some movie star's face and the contestants are supposed to find out who that is. Really, grow up, people. Is this all our women are capable of?! Can they not come up with any other decent idea? And they reward such mindlessness with cash. Next, is "Deal a No Deal a". This is another over-sensationalized, sentimentalized show. Contestants with mentally ill children, autistic children, relatives who need a life-saving surgery are showcased. They tell their story on-stage and then gamble for "life or death". And recently, they advertised that people who watch "Vettaikaran" will be given some special prize on that show. We all know "Vettaikaran" sucks big time but you don't have to show your desperation in such blatant ways! The host guy is rather annoying as well. This was all the gripe I had about the show until yesterday until S said,

"TN state government is sponsoring illegal gambling on the show.."

"huh? Don't we have gambling laws?"

"Nope. They even eliminated all the lottery ticket stuff sometime back."

"Oh..but this is not gambling."

"Why not? You're not required to answer anything or demonstrate any skill. All you have to do is pick a box. That's gambling."

Okay, that was a revelation to me. Is this really true? I don't know what the gambling laws etc..are in TN. So, if one of you out there, can enlighten me, that'd be great.

We got Jaya TV a month or so back. After that, I rarely tune into Sun TV. Jaya has a much more decent line-up than Sun. Of course, it also has its own propaganda machine. But some of the shows on Jaya are truly watchable.

I'd like to know how Sun gets its TRP and what population watches this in India.

What ifs...

My man has a problem with hypothetical questions. I think many men do. Its like God has turned off the "What if.." switch in men's brains. Which is just fine with me because I don't think it would be fun to have another person in the house come up with crazy scenarios all the time. But it sure would be nice if he answers my hypotheticals..:)

One of our first fights was -- believe it or not -- about Angelina Jolie. I was browsing "People" magazine at a supermarket checkout line.

"Angelina Jolie seems to have such a fun life with lots of travel! How cool is that. Would you like to be Angelina Jolie?"

S gave me a blank stare.

"What? What would you do if you were Angelina Jolie?"

"But I am not Jolie."

"Yeah, I know. But imagine: what if you could live Angelina Jolie's life for one day. What would you do?"

S decided to be mulishly stubborn.

"But I am not Angelina Jolie. I don't want to be."

"Ack. Just imagine you are..I know you're not."

"I can't imagine something like this."

"Why not?"

"Why?"

"What do you mean 'why'? Can you imagine being someone else -- like maybe Gandhi?"

"No. I am S. I don't want to be anyone else. I can't imagine being anyone else."

Okay. I thought that was a very conceited answer. So you can imagine the conversation went south after that point. I accused him of being unimaginative and he told me I was crazy. This was 4 years ago.

Yesterday, we were watching "Monsters Vs. Aliens" featuring a 50 ft woman called "Gynormica". Her boyfriend dumps her because she becomes a 50 ft freak. So I turned to Sujan and said,

"Will you dump me if I become 50 ft tall?"

"I refuse to answer that question."

"Why? Its a simple question. All you have to do say is 'No, honey, I'll never, ever dump you'."

"I refuse to answer that question because its improbably stupid and its not funny."

"But why? What if I get hit by a meteorite tomorrow and become radioactive or something?"

Silence.

Why do I even try? Grrr. Ack. Thbbbtt.

I like to play with babies. They are pretty irresistible, charming little things with tremendous social skills (which they lose as they grow into a "functional" adult). I never had a second thought about reaching out for a smiling child that had its arms outstretched from his mother's lap. During college days, the bus home was always crowded. Sometimes, standing moms would hand over their children to the person sitting close to them. My friends and I would amuse the baby (and ourselves) by making funny faces to get a laugh out of them. In trains, buses, temples, super-markets, there was no barriers to playing with babies with the parents close by to watch.

All that has changed since I came to the US. The meaning of "touch" has taken on an almost exclusively sexual connotation. And mothers in the US are more fiercely protective of their kids' personal space. I got frowned upon once when I made eye contact with a baby at the mall and smiled at her. The mother almost was about to report me as a sexual predator! The other day, at the supermarket, I saw this really pretty, bouncy baby. I said out loud to the mom, "She is so cute!" and that the mother glared me down! I was so shocked that I just walked away.

I guess everyone is trying to just watch out for their child's well-being and in today's world, with all its perversities, I can relate to that. However, there is something as taking it too far. Interpreting every touch/glance with a baby that happens in full view of the parents as a "sexual" one is terrible, in my opinion. It feels like we are imposing adult-ish notions on a very innocent relationship. These days, if I see a baby, I just give a curt smile or look away for fear of being reported to the police.

Strays..

Whenever I see a cat or a dog running around the streets without any visible owner, I just go, "Look, there's a dog crossing the campus." To me, its just part of the scenery. Nothing special or notice-worthy. A couple of weeks ago, I was reminded that this is not how everyone in the world reacts. My friend went, "Oh my God! Look, there's a stray dog! I am going to call the pound."

I am used to seeing stray dogs, cows, cats on the street everywhere in India. In residential colonies, if they happen to wander around, people give them left-over food. Cows, especially, have a field time during Pongal. They are in demand everywhere. Of course, these animals cause traffic problems and irritate some people who dislike having their picture-perfect neighborhood "dis-figured". But they manage to survive, procreate and have a life on the streets. I am not saying that it is a great life. But they manage to be alive.

I know people who run shelters and pounds are trying to save the stray animals from pain, cruelty and starvation. But if no one adopts an animal from the pound, they are euthanized. Is it fair to kill an animal because we want our streets to be picture perfect?

I think humans have developed this exaggerated sense of entitlement to Planet Earth. Like it belongs only to us and we can do what we want with it and all its other inhabitants. Everyone makes fun of President Bush's statement, "I know the human and fish can co-exist". But maybe one day, all the fish in the seas will get sick of being caught. Then, we'll have a fish uprising in history. Maybe, the fish and the rest of the animal kingdom will decide to euthanize us all because we are ruining their environment. And Bush will seem like a messiah. I know I am blaboring. So I'll shut up. :-)

Etiquettes..

Handshakes are becoming my current worst social embarassment. A couple of months ago, at the temple Diwali festival, we met up with some acquaintances -- C & J -- who had come with their parents. The old man started a conversation with S and shook his hand. When he started talking to me, I raised my hand for a handshake. Oops. An embarassed pause followed. He smiled uncomfortably and just folded his hands in salutation. Maybe I should have just said 'Namaskaram'?!

A month later, I met a desi in his 30s at Kroger. This time, fresh from my handshaking faux pas last time, I just said 'Hi'. Oops again. The guy had already extended his hand for a handshake and my 'Hi' sounded like a snub! Ughh. Of course, in my embarassment, I hurriedly took his hand which made it seem like I was desperate to shake his hand (Thankfully, I am not single or this could've been construed as something else). The same thing happened with an American at work when I forgot to shake hands with him!

When Dr. Kalaam visited Lexington in March 2008, it was confusion galore for me! An American I had just met hugged me like I had known him for years. Another one shook my hand very enthusiastically. Young Indian guys shook hands with girls. Older Indian guys refrained from it. Middle-aged guys were in as much confusion as myself.  Dr. Kalaam himself, I noticed, didn't shake women's hands. He just folded his hands. 

Anyways, the point is, being caught in a social 'Trisanku sorgam' in the US, its difficult to keep all these various cultural permutations and combinations clear in my head. Until then, I guess I'll continue to be embarassed..

Psstt..we went to Jared's..

Those of you in the US might have seen the ad for the jewelry store "Jared's". It has a whole bunch of people whispering "He went to Jared's" at a table when a couple announce their engagement and the bride-to-be flashes her ring exuberantly. About a year and a half back, S decided to get me a wedding present. On a whim, we both landed up at the nearest Jared's.

After 15 minutes of looking around, we realized that the designs were plain as can be and there was nothing attractive enough to capture our GRT-Thangamaligai-sensitized imaginations. Just as we were about to make a silent exit from the shop, a sales-guy captured us red-handed.

"May I help you with your purchase today?", he asked smilingly.

We could have said "No, thanks" and walked out. But something got into S and he said,

"Yes..we are actually looking for a ring."

"Would diamond interest you?"

"Err..ahem..sure"

I glanced at S desperately to ask him why he wanted to see those boring, old rings again.

The sales guy flourishingly displayed a set of about 30 diamond rings set in platinum. All of them had a plain band with a single stone of varying sizes set on top.

I was about to say, "okay, I am not interested" when S suddenly chimed in,

"Do these diamonds have doshas?"

"Do they have what?"

"D-o-s-h-a-s. Doshas. Meaning -- are these diamonds fit to be worn?"

Sales guy: "These are of the finest quality made by the best jewelers in the world"

The poor sales guy thought we were questioning the quality of the products. How wrong he was..:-)

S, nodding sagely, said, "Ah, yes. But they will not affect the wearer?"

Sales Guy: "You mean allergies? We have the best ---"

Hubby Dear: "No, no, no..you see, in India, people say that some diamonds will cause the wearer harm or bring bad-luck..."

Sales Guy: "Oh..okay. How do you know that?"

Hubby Dear: "We don't know that..our parents do."

Sales Guy: "You want to come with your parents another day?"

Hubby Dear: "No..that's difficult"

Sales Guy: "Can I interest you in some other stones then?"

I was already giggling and struggling to compose myself. S was in full form that day.

Hubby Dear: "Umm..we're not sure if we can wear any stone."

Salesguy: (Dumb-founded, confused silence)

I thought I would alleviate some of the awkwardness and said,

"Only some stones can be worn by some people depending on their birth star.."

"Birth star?", the sales guy asked incredulously.

"We are all born under a star at the time of our birth.."

"You mean sun signs?", he asked doggedly.

"No, no..there are 27 stars..and some stones don't go well with some stars.."

"What?"

"One of my aunts wore an emerald stone ring against advice and a thief broke into their house within a week."

"So...that's because of the emerald and your Aunt's birth star?"

"Umm-Hmm"

After 5 minutes, we left the store, our heads held high leaving behind an extremely aggravated sales person. Both of us burst into uncontrollable laughter. The incident still evokes laughter!

The coverage of the Mumbai attacks in the US has been intense. I am angry and outraged at the partisan politics India's parties seem to be waging amidst this tragedy. But I am also annoyed at the western media's consistent referral of the Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP) as a "Hindu Nationalist Party".

If the BJP is termed so, can the Republican Party in the US be henceforth referred to as the Christian Fundamentalist Party"? Honestly, I don't see much of a difference between the values these two parties espouse vis-a-vis religion. So , why not? Would this be a mis-representation?

On Monarchy Vs Democracy

I've often heard my grandfather lament,

"வெள்ளைக்காரன் ஆட்சில எவ்வளவோ சுகமா இருந்தது நம்ம ஊரு !"

To which, my grandmother would retort,

"அரம்பிசுட்டேளா, உங்க வெள்ளைக்காரன் புராணத்த! சாயங்கால நேரமும் அதுவுமா ! வாயை மூடுங்கோ!"

And they would get into a rip-roaring fight that provided great amusement to all by-standers. Sometimes I've old-timers say the same about "Raja kaalathu" reigns. And they would point to all the great temples and works of art that were executed under monarchs and ask, "What has democracy done?"

Monarchy affords high-handed rule. If the lucky draw happens to be good, a nation gets a good monarch and uses high-handedness to do good things. Eg. Akbar, Chandragupta Maurya, Narasimha Pallavan, Raja Raja Cholan, Queen Eizabeth. On the other hand, if the Royal brood is a bunch of maniacs, God save the poor nation! However useless, this latter category definitely yields more interesting characters -- Louis XIV of France who reveled in his courtiers watching him use the toilet, Aurangzeb who was a nut-case etc...

I think no matter what the merits of monarchy are, Democracy is the greatest gift to the people of this world. If 10000 fools vote to elect one fool, we, the fools, know that we brought it on ourselves. Besides, the one fool that got elected is a fool of our own making. We get a chance to try again later.

All this brings me to another question I've been pondering awhile: Does the 'Karma theory' apply to nations? If the ruling class brings misery because of actions they take on behalf of their country, where does this 'paavam' go? To the individual who committed those actions? Or the populace that elected him?

If the population that elected him gets all the bad karma of the elected representatives, that would explain why Indians suffer so much! :) What do you think?

Outpourings on a Tuesday night..

I went to Starbucks with a long-time friend this evening. It was just the two of us and I was all tingly with anticipation because she'd told me she had "special news" to share! Outings with girl friends are just so much more fun in some ways! You get to bond about a lot of things a guy is never, ever, ever going to get (even if it is one's husband). Back in college, Shailu and I used to regularly do this -- just hang out and do "girly" things. I miss that so much in the US! I had an awesome time just catching up on old times, talking about her guy, wedding plans, moving plans, the whole works.

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Some questions just become difficult to ask as we get older. Especially, topics about marriage and salary packages even with good friends. People get defensive about their choices and even if you were just asking most innocently, the conversation goes all awkward. Can words really mean so many things? I wouldn't mind if someone I know well asks me a similar question but different people come with different baggages, experiences and responsibilities. So these days I've drawn an invisible lakshman rekha with most people (Of course, there's still the few people I take that liberty with!). Does it bode well for those relationships? Do we need to risk asking hard questions sometimes? Or does not asking very personal questions somehow strengthen the relationship? I guess the answer to most of these questions is "It depends"..:)

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Speaking of relationships, I've agonized over a lot of friendships that "could have been". You really like a person and you want to get to know them well. But sometimes expectations aren't always balanced on both ends. Sometimes, people want more or they want less. Or maybe one blurts something that'd have been better left unsaid! The situation gets awkward and a once promising friendship fades away into obscurity. I've had my fair share of these and I've spent a lot of mental energy wondering if it could've turned out differently.

But these days I've had a lot of perfectly normal, conflict-less, amicable friendships fade into oblivion as well! These are due to the more practical demands of physical distance, work, school, family etc..

I've reconciled myself to the fact that if long-time friendships can fade into nothing, losing a few budding-friendships isn't so bad.

Is there such a thing as over-hospitality?

These days, I feel that most of our lives are centered around food. In the US, if you want to meet someone who doesn't belong to your close friends' circle, then it usually ends up over food. You can't just drop by to anyone's place without scheduling it.

"Hi, I was wondering if we could just drop by this evening.."
"Oh, then why not make it dinner?"
"Err..no.."
"Come on. We haven't seen you in a while. Let's do dinner."

Okay. So the next time you want to meet them, you'd have to ask them over for lunch/dinner/breakfast or whatever. This being golu season, your golu invite is usually clubbed with dinner/lunch. There's no just dropping by someone acquaintance's place in the evening around 6-ish, having sundal, chit-chatting and just leaving. I guess people are just trying to be hospitable and take care of the guests. But is there such a thing as over-hospitality?

This time in India, I was plied sumptuously with coffee/snacks each time I visited someone's house no matter what the time of day! Morning, evening or night, you're supposed to have something.

"Have some coffee.."
"No..I just had some at Kripa Aunty's house. We stopped there before coming here.."
"Oh, you should taste the wonderful new coffee powder we got at Andal Cafe! Just a little bit.."
"No, please. I'll have some water.."
"Then have some juice. Mango ok?"

Usually, by the time I got home I'd feel like an over-stuffed party bag with all sorts of food items sloshing around in my tummy.

Besides, I think Indians have this special niche for coming up with creative dishes. For almost any festival/function in the house, we have sumptuous meals served on banana leafs. I like eating on banana leafs but then, you lose track of your portion size on them..:) So the cook plies you with liberal servings of sojji appams, 2-3 kosmalli varieties, vazhapoo vadais, sambar, morkuzhambu, rasam, 3-4 poriyals and koottus, payasam and you're left panting just looking at your banana leaf! People don't take "No. Enough" for an answer when they serve. They think it means we're being shy to ask. So they ply you with even more food.

"Tsk..these days kids have shrunk their stomachs in the US. See, she's struggling to finish her lunch and I've just finished two servings of each dish! Tell your daughter to eat well!"

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?Huh?

Besides all this, there are those working lunches, working dinners etc..If you want to meet a colleague outside of work, you do it over dinner. If you want to talk to your realtor about something, you go to the nearest Starbucks or Krispy Kreme and down 2 donuts before you leave. Why can't we just meet anyone somewhere in the park or the library or the nearest museum? Why is food the central point of all congregations?

I have nothing against all those people who feed me good food..:) But personally, If I want to meet a friend to just talk, then I'd like to be able to do that without scheduling a mealtime for it! Besides, hasn't mommy said that talking while eating is bad for your health? :)

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The Curious Incidents of the Rude Callers

There's something wrong with me and phone calls. People seem to love hanging up on me cutting me off mid-sentence! I am not really in the habit of yakking away incessantly to strangers. But can I not be allowed to finish my sentences?!

I never go to beauty parlors. I think the people who run most beauty institutions are really snooty. At long last, last month I mustered up the courage to call a parlor for an appointment.

"Hi, this is blah."
"Hello"
"I was looking for an appointment --"
"Ok."
"Would next week --"

"Listen. I gotta go now. ok? If you can, call back."

And then she cut me off mid-sentence and hung up! What in the world? No courteous "Excuse me" or "call back please". Anyways, she lost my business.

Next comes my Apartment office dunderheads. I never had any respect for their intelligence at any time. But today took the cake! This annoying, idiot lady called me at work. I am already overaging 100 minutes on my phone plan.

"Hi..can I speak to Sabshuni Sppriineewasan." (For the love of God!)

"This is she."

"Ok. You've got a late fee on your rent."

"Err..ok. I was only a day late. Could you please consider waiving it?"

"No."

"This is just the first time, right?"

"Yes"

"How much is ---?"

Click. She'd hung up. What in the blue blistering barnacles? If I don't know how much the late fee is, how can I pay it?

And then it was this Aunty who called me out of the blue about something she wanted out of me. I was midway explaining about it. And then she decided she'd had enough of me and said,

"I'll talk later."

Click. No waiting for response. Nothing. Why call me if you don't have the time to talk?

Hmph.

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My Boring Life

No. of blog drafts written over the past month: 13 (V.Good)
No. that actually saw the light of the WWW: 1 (V.V.Bad)

I don't seem to have a writer's block. Its more like a writer's bottleneck. Ideas form in my mind and words come gushing out. But somewhere in the neuronal pathways between the brain and the fingers, everything fizzles out and what reaches my fingers is a pitiful trickle of incompetent, half-completed thoughts. Bah!

So what have I been upto? I wish I could say something really adventurous, glamorous and bedazzling. Sigh. The only exciting thing that happened was that I attended the Cleveland Tyagaraja Aradhana to hear Aruna Sairam/TNS sing. I never thought I'd listen to a Ragam Tanam Pallavi and actually appreciate it. :-) But TNS held me spellbound with his RTP in Bagesri. Aruna Sairam scintillated but sang only for 2 hours.. :( Her Abhang in Hindolam was the best piece of the evening!

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And after a period of 3 years, I drew a kolam in my patio on Saturday! Hurray to that! :)

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I am trying to come up with cool "labels" for my posts in Blogger. And I fail miserably. And as you can see, I have a splattering of all sorts of weird categories. The list seems to be growing instead of making the blog more organized. Sigh.

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Browser wars....

All these years, I never understood when some nerds complained about how buggy browsers were. I just thought they were the mutterings of those perpetually afflicted by the victimitis virus..I was the user and IE and Netscape seemed perfectly fine to me. Well, after all these years, now that I am designing websites, i myself am going stark raving mad trying to get browsers to display my website properly!!!! How well I understand what those poor nerds were talking about...!

Anyways, as testimony to me going mad, i just received an e-mail from the University that declared me delinquent! apparently, i haven't given them some transcript (the nth one). I have this great love affair going on with U Ky's graduate school. It's like this: if they don't see me for 30 days together, they go utterly crazy and start firing off all sorts of e-mails (ranging from being declared delinquent to informing me that I never was admitted to UK to god-knows-what-else) designed to bring me to their office. The latest missive is just the last in a string of such communications.

So goes another boring day in my life....